Modesty. It Matters.

    The word modest has three common definitions. In all three definitions “modest” is a noun, which means it is a thing to be looked at, examined, and achieved. The three definitions are as follows:

Modesty - 

1. The quality or state of being unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one’s abilities.

2. The quality of being relatively moderate, limited, or small in amount, rate, or level.

3. Behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency.

        Modesty is a multi-faceted idea that pertains to how we dress, but also how we act, and even our possessions. The first definition in particular addresses the way that we are about ourselves. If we look at worldly morality, we are encouraged to brag and show off, expect and demand praise and credit. Biblical morality tells us to be humble, giving glory to God. Luke 14:11 says “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”, and Colossians 3:12 reminds us to “...put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering…”.

Humble is an adjective which means “having a low or modest estimate of one’s own importance.” Humility is a noun meaning the same thing; “having a low view of one’s own importance”. So, when we are told to be humble, or have humility, we are simply being instructed to not  overestimate our own importance. Colossians 3:17 say “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” which should remind us the importance of giving God the glory and praise, not ourselves. In 2 Timothy 3:1-5 when describing unpleasant things that will take place, Paul includes “...men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud…” and tells us in vs. 5, “...from such men turn away.” and we are warned to keep our intentions pure  Matthew 6:1 “Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men to be seen by them. Otherwise you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.” and Luke 14:11 tells us “For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”

However, being humble does not mean we shouldn’t take any credit for what we do, want to be good at what we do, and be proud of what we do. Colossians 3:23 goes on to say “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men…” which solidifies the idea that we need to give our best efforts to the things that we do. We must keep the important understanding that the things we are blessed with are thanks to God, not ourselves.  So, when it comes to how we act about our own importance and self worth, we need to work hard, be proud when we do, but give God the glory and do not put ourselves above others. 

The second definition of modest references a measurement. In all cases it refers to something being not excessively large, not excessively extravagant, not excessively expensive. Worldly morality does not dispute this definition in any way - though most cultural norms are not overly concerned with things being this definition of “modest”. There is nothing wrong with us taking part in extravagant things every now and then. Sometimes it can be quite harmless fun to go to a fancy restaurant, splurge on an expensive item we’ve been eying, etc. 

Biblical morality cautions us to remain aware of our intentions. It is not bad or evil to have “things”, but Matthew 6:9-12 tells us “Do not lay up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”, and 1 Timothy 6:10 states “The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil…”. In Luke 12:16-20 we read a parable about a man who had such a bountiful harvest his barn couldn’t store it all, and he opted to tear down his barns and build bigger ones. Perhaps it is not the “things” or even the “size of the things” that matters so much, but the way we are using them for God, and our reasons behind having them. 

The third definition of the word modest is perhaps the one you’ve been expecting to read about as this definition pertains to the way we act and dress. I think it is important to note here, that on this particular topic, worldly morality changes drastically over culture and time. If you are not convinced of that fact, pause here and do just a tiny bit of research on acceptable women’s fashion in the United States over time, and also in other countries. Things that are “acceptable” behavior (such as cursing) have also changed. When a morality code changes, we need to be weary of it, for as the Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 1:9 “That which has been is what will be, that which is done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.” 

If we look purely at the definition, modesty is “behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency”. Impropriety is “a failure to observe standards or show due honesty to modesty; improper language, behavior, or character.” Indecency is “behavior not conforming with generally accepted standards of behavior or propriety, not appropriate or fitting”.

So what are the “accepted standards” we should be conforming to? In our current cultural climate, worldly morality screams “No one is allowed to have an opinion on what I wear or how I act. As long as I am not breaking laws, no one can judge me or my dress code.” Yet the Christian knows better.

Biblical morality shows us there is an unchanging standard of modesty the Christian is expected to uphold. Perhaps the most “turned to” scripture concerning modesty is 1 Timothy 2:9-10 which instructs women to “...adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works”. I hope you noticed the reference to “moderation” which we talked about earlier in this chapter. The idea of “not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing” ties back into things discussed when looking at the second definition of modest. Just as the things that we have are not to become a spectacle to show off or draw attention to ourselves, neither should the things that we wear. Sometimes called “flashy” or “overdressed”, this one is perhaps easier recognized (though not minded) by worldly morality.

There is a time and a place for a lot of things. There is a time to be silly and laugh loudly with friends - but there are also times that would be deemed situationally inappropriate behavior. There are also behaviors that are never appropriate or modest. There is also a time and place for different types of dress. Many places, such as businesses or theaters, even have dress codes. Part of being modest is dressing for the event or purpose. A certain amount of this is common sense. If you work at a bank there is a good chance it would be deemed immodest for you to show up in flip flops, shorts, and a tank top. Likewise, if you showed up for a day of fishing in a three piece tux … that would be inappropriate for the situation. The Christian’s goal should never be to draw attention to oneself, but rather to do all things in a modest, humble way that gives glory to God - that includes our actions and our attire. 

Perhaps the more difficult part of 1 Timothy 2:9-10 is the part that mentions “propriety” (the condition of being right, appropriate, or fitting), and “proper for women professing godliness, with good works.” If a woman - or a man - goes on a float trip…. What are they to wear? If a lady goes shopping for a dress for an event … which one is she to choose? If a man is doing yard work and gets sweaty, can he take off his shirt? These are questions that Christian’s search the scriptures for answers too.

Modesty begins in Genesis 3:7, when Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the tree of good and evil and their eyes were opened, they realized they were naked and they were ashamed enough to sew fig leaves together and make themselves coverings. Clearly, even being the only two people around, Adam and Eve knew that out in the garden was not an appropriate place for their nakedness - having their eyes opened, they felt guilt for being immodestly dressed. In Genesis 3:21 we read “Also for Adam and his wife the Lord God made tunics of skin and clothed them”. Generally a tunic is concerned to be a loose fitting piece of clothing that covers the top of a person and goes at least to their knees. God here shows that yes, it was right for man to be clothed rather than naked (why else would he have made them coverings?). In Exodus 28:40-43 priests were instructed to wear tunics and trousers to cover their nakedness. We are now part of the royal priesthood - no, we aren’t wearing tunics and offering sacrifices - but 1 Peter 2:9 tells us “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation…” and we must live up to that name.

Yet in scripture, God does not give us an exact dress code, which is a blessing in itself. If the New Testament laid out an exact dress code it would in, great likelihood, be from the times of the 1st century church … and if you paused earlier to look at how acceptable fashions have changed, you will be glad to know you do not have to dress exactly like a Christian in the 1st century church to be pleasing to God. What we are provided instead is guidelines for overall righteousness and left it up to us to accomplish both modesty and appropriateness in the way we present ourselves as Christians before the world.

Think about those words - present ourselves as Christians before the world. No pressure there, eh? If we are to present ourselves as Christians to the world, we cannot blend in too closely with the world. Romans 12:2 admonishes us “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

If our dress does not show that we are keeping our bodies holy for God, that is a problem. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 reminds us “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are Gods”. 

So what is the “dress code”? What do we wear that will not draw undue attention to ourselves, be appropriate, show that we are living for God, protect ourselves and not lead anyone else to sin? I cannot scripturally give you an *exact* one, but perhaps the tunic idea of “shoulders to knees” is not a bad idea. Certainly, outside of the private marriage relationship, any part that could tempt another, needs to be covered. What doesn’t need to be shown, really shouldn’t be. Women, that means our cleavage, our midriffs, our bottoms, and our upper thighs need to be covered. Men, that means your chests, your midriffs, your bottoms, and your upper thighs need to be covered. 

    It’s not a super popular idea by any means. It doesn’t make clothes shopping any easier. It doesn’t even let you be “the life of the party” all that often. Yet, modesty is one of the most important things to winning others to Christ because it is one of the first things people notice about us. When you walk into a room - people see you, what you are wearing, and how you act. Modesty matters. In Isaiah 61:10 King Hezekiah wrote “For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness.” God clothes you in those things, too – and if your outward garment isn’t matching up and showing that fact, then there is work to be done.

Modest in heart. Modest in appearance. Modest in behavior. Modest in speech. Modest because we have a great purpose, and we strive to live with dignity and righteousness.

To The School Leaders

As I sit looking at my last 2 or 3 weeks of summer vacation, I've been thinking about the school administrators and leaders who are already back at it full blast ... IF they ever got to step away at all. 

Our school leaders are increasingly important to me as my understanding grows. Their decisions have the power to allow me to do my job the way I want to do it or make that harder. The culture they create makes my work environment awesome - or less than awesome. Furthermore, the more my own understanding grows the more I see that they are simply wonderful people who are faced - on the daily - with 1800 decisions, most of which have no clear "right" answer and some of which have no good answer at all.

So, as I begin praying for the beginning of our school year, my own teacher self, and the teachers my girls have, I'm striving to pray intentionally for our school leaders, too.

----------------------

To the school leader/administrator:

You are so important, and so appreciated. Even when we don't 100% agree, or when we don't know all the pieces and can't possibly understand ... we appreciate that you are there, leading us. This year I'm praying that you can feel and remember our appreciation even in the moments that we don't remember to say it or show it.

You are so strong, and so determined to help the best things happen. I know the job isn't easy. I know the criticism is felt even when it's not said, and it is hard. I pray that your heart is patient and confident enough to keep going in the right direction against all odds. I hope you remember to lean on God, and those around you, when you need it, and not let your head get in the way and make you take "job things" too personally. I pray you remember your worth, your greatness, and your purpose.

You are a person. A real one. You have feelings and family and health to consider. Somehow although we know this, it's easy for us to forget that you are human. I pray that you can stay healthy so it is a tad bit easier to show up for us. I'm praying for your family, too - that they can be healthy, and have success and consistency in their worlds so that your world can keep going smoothly. When you do need to step away from the job to take care of your family and yourself - and it will happen - I pray that you can do so without any guilt or guilt trips. 

You are so knowledgable and wise. There is so much information you are privy too - for better or for worse - and you have to decide what to do with it all. There are a million decisions each day - maybe each moment - that are yours to make. That is exhausting. I pray that you can focus on fighting the right battles and letting the wrong ones go. That you can see which things are worth your time alone, and which things you need to delegate. I pray that you recognize when you need to take a minute, and then come back ready to push full steam ahead. And, after those long days of decisions, I pray that you can sleep restfully at night. You will have done your absolute best, given your all, and I hope you can find peace in those moments.

You are in a position to lead us through hard things.  There could be dangerous moments. There could be really sad ones. There will be kids who have hard paths to walk and teachers who desperately need help but are not even sure what to ask for. I pray for a peaceful year for all of us - and a safe one for our school and families. But I also pray that in the hard moments, the ones when we desperately need your leadership, that you can find the strength to help us and lead us calmly, and soundly, and in a godly direction. 

You are passionate about kids and education. On the days that you sit through meeting after meeting. On the days you have to make the tough decisions, give the announcements met with groans, send the emails you know are read with gritted teeth ... I pray you can remember your passion. On the hardest days, may you find a minute to connect with a kiddo, chat with a colleague, and remember all the reasons you are here in the first place. I pray that pulls you through.

You are not alone. Oh I know it feels like it sometimes. No one can truly understand each scenario you are in and all the possible consequences of it. It's a big job ... but you are here for it. God does understand - so I pray you remember to talk to Him about every little everything and lean on Him for it all. And, lean on "your people," too. There are so many of us who are here - or will try to be here. Whether we know all the pieces or need to just know our piece, whether we understand or are just willing to acknowledge we can't possibly imagine ... we will gladly help share the load in the ways that we can - because we see you, and we are thankful you are here, loving on kids, with us.

May you always remember that you were placed here - for such a time as this - and I am thankful that you were.

Summer Love

Oh for the love of a mud puddle

For toes that squish in the yard

For hours spent digging and splashing

When finding joy isn't at all hard.

Oh for the love of the water

For sun kissed cheeks and wet hair

For hours gone by in the blink of your eye

When your days held hardly a care.

Oh for a yard with a sprinkler

For hose water that felt cold as ice

For moments spent squealing and laughing

When popsicles covered any price.

Oh for the love of a summer

For the simple childhood joys that it holds

For memories colored with sunshine

When you look back on days of old. 

Mimics

Friendly reminder:

When you think they aren't watching ... They probably are. 

It may take days. Months. Almost a year even to sink in.

It will likely show itself on a topic or action you never directly talk to them about. 

It will probably catch you off guard and make you chuckle.

But they will mimic you. Beacuase they are watching. 

Last August I put this sign on my classroom door.

I was excited about it, but I don't remember Lydia ever noticing or mentioning it. 

Yet she did walk through that door every day before and after school. 

Yesterday the girls played school in Lydia's room. 

This sign was placed on her door. 

They notice. And sometimes when you least expect it, they immulate. 

Thank goodness this time it was a sentiment I am happy to encourage and pass on. ♥️

For Such A Time As This

 I was once told that when there is a boom of baby boys being born it may be because that country is going to need soldiers for war. I don't know if there is any research to back that up - but it is interesting to think about.

I will tell you firmly and loudly that God always has a plan - a plan He is always in control of - so baby boys at war time is something I could easily be convinced is true.

If that is true ... I want to know what a boom of strong willed children indicates. You know the type ... Stubborn enough to drive a momma crazy. Independent enough to try it on their own about 3 sighs worth of times before they ask for help. Bossy enough to make you roll your eyes occasionally. Daring enough to make your stomach drop. What are they here for?

As best I can tell, they are here "for such a time as this".

I read the story of Esther this morning and, as it often does, Ester 4:14 jumped out at me. It reads "For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise from the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"

Esther had some big decisions in front of her - and her trusted advisor prompted her with those words. 

Who knows if you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?

Who knows if I have? Who knows if my daughters have?

God does. God knows.

I don't know what the world looks like over the next generations lifetime ... but I'm confident my strong willed kiddos are going to need every bit of that strong will. They are going to need to stand firm and stubborn. They are going to need to be independent enough to strike out - even on their own if they have to. They are going to need those leadership skills to take charge. And a little dash of daring is probably going to go a long way.

I don't know what God has planned - but I know these strong willed kids are here for it. They are in this world for such a time as this.

And my role? I'm here for such a time as this, too. I'm here to raise them so that they can stand - for God and for one another -  in these times and the ones to come. 

No pressure. 

I need to tailor the strong will to be for God's will, the stubborn for standing firm and grounded, the bossy for leadership, and the daring for Godly confidence and bravery. 

They are here for such a time as this .... and whatever their time brings them, I want them to be able to step up, make the hard choices, and face life head on. 

Because they - like you - were born, for such a time as this.

The Christian's Words

Oh, words. We say a lot of them each day (sometimes too many) - and certainly a whole bunch of our life times. So, do the ones we choose matter? They absolutely do. Our words show our character to the world. Where God can see our heart itself, mankind sees our heart by the things that we do and the things that we say. Matthew 15:18 reminds us “But those which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man.” Furthermore, we’re warned in Proverbs 13:3 “He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.” So, to what extent do our words matter? What things should we be saying and what things should we not be saying?

    For the most part, what we should be saying is easy to identify in scripture. We know that  we need to be speaking the truth at all times. Ephesians 4:29  tells us “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”, and Ephesians 4:25 we are told to put away lying and “let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor for we are members of one another.” We also know that our words should be kind and uplifting. Proverbs 16:24 reads “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” and Ephesians 4:32 says “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another…”. We know, just from our own experiences, that words have the power to tear down just as much as they have the power to build up. Our aim should always be to build others up and draw them closer to God. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 reminds us to “comfort each other and build one another up.”

    Now, being kind and building one another up doesn’t mean we never have to say hard things. Unfortunately, there are going to be times where we simply have to have hard conversations. Maybe telling the truth means I can’t actually say "I love your outfit" - but I can probably find a way to still be kind about that. Disagreements on a personal level come, and while it does take practice, it is very possible to be kind even through the disagreements. What can be much harder is the times when we see the need to address wrong doings, sins, or areas where we see the Bible being disregarded, misused, or misunderstood. It is important to remember that we cannot shy away from these hard conversations. We are told numerous times in scripture that it is our responsibility to spread the gospel. In Mark 16:15 we read the instruction to “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.”, and in 2 Timothy 2:4 we are told “Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all long suffering and teaching.” Personal evangelism is an entire topic all its own that likely needs its own lesson book. So, for the purpose of this chapter, let’s agree that our words SHOULD be used to draw others to Christ and preach about Christ. We should be about our Heavenly Father’s work, spreading the gospel - and we’re going to need to use our words to help accomplish that goal. 

    If our words are meant to edify, encourage, draw others to God, and teach others about the gospel, there are, by necessity, some things our words should not be. James 3 spends several verses giving caution and instruction about our words. In fact in verse 8 we’re told “no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” Watching what we say can be hard - so hard. Undoing damage caused by our own words can be harder still. James 3 goes on to tell us in verse 10 that “Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.” We cannot use our mouths to both praise God and serve the devil - that double standard will never do. 

    Our words should be a reflection of our hearts - which we are aiming to make righteous and pleasing to God. In order to demonstrate this there are many things we need to avoid with our words

• Inappropriate/profane “humor”: When listing things that should not be named among sayings, Ephesians 5:4 states “neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.” We live in a time where worldly morality seems to deem it ‘totally okay’ to tell rude and inappropriate jokes of a disrespectful, degrading, even sexual nature in ‘the name of humor’. Biblical morality reminds us that it is in fact not okay at all. 

• Gossip: 2 Timothy 2:16 warns us to “shun profane and idle babblings for they will increase to more ungodliness.” and, Proverbs 10:18 warns “...whoever spreads slander is a fool.” Gossip is easy to fall prey to. It draws us in and begs us to spread it. It’s so commonplace it’s hard to run away from. Yet we are warned time and time again in the Bible to be careful what we say and make sure we are building up and spreading truth - not tearing down.

• Lying: Another “easy to say - sometimes hard to do” one is lying. Psalms 34:13 says “Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit”. Proverbs 6:16-19 lists “a lying tongue” and “a false witness who pours out lies” amongst things that God hates. Furthermore, Colossians 3:9 tells us “Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds…”. “Don’t lie” is a simple command to give but can be hard to practice in today’s world where the “little white lie” is often excused. Remember, God does not distinguish between levels of lies and sins.

• Swearing: James 5:12 instructs “But above all, my brethren, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. But let your “yes’ be “Yes” and your “No,” “No,” lest you fall into judgment. It’s as simple as that. Dictionary.com defines “swear” as “to make a solemn declaration or affirmation by some sacred being or object, as a deity or the Bible.” or “to bind oneself by oath”. Long story short, our word needs to be good enough on its own. We shouldn't need to be affirmed by an object or being - we just need to be able to say “yes I will” or “No I didn’t…” and that is enough. “Do not swear” doesn’t need to be complicated - but it may be a habitual use of language that we have to put the time, focus, and effort into breaking.

• Using Profanity (cussing/cursing): Though I’ve mentioned it before, Ephesians 4:29 very much applies here as well. It reads simply “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth…” But what are corrupt words? Some are more widely accepted, even by worldly morality. Words that are sexual and/or degrading in nature need not be used by the Christian. Taking God’s name in vain is also a big “no-no”. God is holy and we need to use His name reverently - when we are calling out to Him or actually talking to and about Him. Hell is another word that should be avoided unless used in its proper context. Furthermore, “damn” references wishing damnation on a person which is something the Christian should strive to avoid. The harder discussion on this topic is when we begin talking about euphemisms. Euphemism is defined as “a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blut when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.” So “gosh”, “heck”, and “darn” (and many others) would all fall here. Various people will take euphemisms to various levels. Is “gosh” bad but “golly” okay? What about “drat”? Each person needs to seek out where the line is. But we need to seek that line with the correct measurement in mind: are we using our words decisively for God? And are our words reflecting our righteousness? If not - we need to put in the effort to break bad habits and change our speech to be befitting that of a Christian.

    It boils down to this: Our words show others about our hearts and we have the choice to use them to praise and glorify God, or slander Him. Matthew 12:36-37 gives us a warning we all need to pay close attention to: “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it on the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Your words matter. Choose them carefully.    

Keepers Of The Car Keys

Dad's. Uncle's. Grandfather's. 

I've been blessed with the best - and here's some things I've noticed from watching them. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dad's have the highest expectation of their child's behavior, and the largest threshold for fun. 

Dad's have huge amounts of responsibility - both self and societally imposed, and also the ability to fall asleep in any chair. 

Dad's have mastered the "here we go again" sigh, but also haul all the things, drive all the places, and clap the loudest. 

Dad's wrestle with tolddlers, and then somehow get them to lay down and go to sleep.

Dad's fight fiercely to protect and shelter, and yet somehow manage to instill confidence and strength.

Dad's work hard, often outside the home, and often in the elements of outside, and yet still find time to take a turn cooking dinner or washing the dishes. 

Dad's are gruff and manly, but also paint finger nails and sit at tea parties. 

Dad's have plenty of things to do, but make plenty of time to play catch, shoot hoops, ride bikes, and coach little league teams.

Dad's are often behind the scenes, content to support from the sidelines, and yet determined to see you in the spotlight, getting the credit they know you deserve.

Dad's are role models, motivators, and allies all wrapped into one.

Dad's are needed, and they are special.

It's a unique role that is often grown into. 

It's a role we probably don't give enough credit to.

It's a God designed role that is so, so powerful when filled correctly. 

I'm thankful for the one I have, and the ones I get to benefit from knowing. 

Happy Father's Day, dad's. You deserve it.