I seriously think I am getting *worse* at separating from school as the year goes on. How is that POSSIBLE?! This was supposed to get BETTER not WORSE. eeeek! I hate feeling like I cannot turn my brain off -- like there is always something I need to be doing. I have like little baby panic attacks all the time ... and I need to get. over. it. end of story.
My class is actually going really well! I feel like I am as successful as any first year teacher ... my class seems to be getting the things I teach them, there scores on every test we've taken is okay, their behavior is in check (well, most of the time...), but I constantly feel like there is something I'm not doing, or something I'm not doing well enough.
Like I'm not so much swimming as I am barely treading water.
On the bright side, I'll take barely treading water over drowning any day.
It's not like the rest of my life is suffering - I hang out with friends, I spend time with my hubby, my house is *mostly* clean, my laundry as caught up as it ever gets ... but this feeling of uneasiness or not quite being good enough is just always there in the back of my mind. And I genuinely LOVE my job. I love my kids. I love my coworkers. I love teaching. I just need to find a way to chill out a bit. Or a lot a bit.
The frustrating thing is, I don't know what to *DO*. I am a "doer". I like to do things. See a problem? Fix it. Think of something that would be good? Get it done. But right now, I feel like I'm doing everything I should be / can be. So there is nothing more for me to do. Except there probably is, I just can't think of it right now. argh!
So, that means more prayers for peace of mind, for inspiration, for better sleep, and for help remembering I am a first year teacher and that's okay and I'll get better and things will get easier. And until then? A hot bath to help me relax and an early bedtime so I can be at school *early* to figure out what else I need to do.... =)
Hopefully (although quite possibly *doubtfully*) your life is going a little slower than mine and is a little more stress free ... but even if your life is as crazy as mine right now, I hope you are loving it as much as I am! No matter how stressed I am, I do love my job, and I have a job to love, and I have great people in my life to share it all with - so I am one blessed girl!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
love
Sooo, you know those people who have the awesome blogs that they update daily (or a couple times a week) and they always have lots of cute pictures and tons of awesome stories and seem to have endless time to spend sitting at a computer working on their blog to make it so awesome? Yeah ... so not my life. Sorry.
I wish I knew how they did it. Me? I just swept and mopped my floors. And, judging by the amount of dirt, it has been way to long since the last time I did. Wooops. Seriously, though ... I keep saying "life is a balancing act" -- and right now, the hard wood floors having a little bit of dirt just isn't the thing tipping the scales! I DO miss writing out my thoughts though, so, hope you are ready for a random string of thoughts, because here goes:
School is good. I have a fantabulous class. Seriously, great kids. Of course there are a couple that ... well, lets just say there lives would probably be different if they were my child, but hey, we are figuring each other out and getting along just fine. We do fun things. Friday, we had a poetry slam. Seriously, we wrote some awesome poetry, I took in a microphone, spotlight, music, and refreshments -- we turned the lights off, set up a "stage" and shared our poetry "poetry slam" style. And they loved it. Because I am an awesome teacher like that. ;) haha. Of course, there are days when I realize I still have no idea what I'm doing ... in fact, most days have moments like that. But I am, so far, able to fool the kids into thinking I am very confident, so hey! We'll make it.
I love every minute of it.
"real life" is good, too! We've had 3 baby showers, 2 wedding showers, 2 of the sweetest baby boys born, 2 more baby showers to have in the next month or two (uh, lots of babies around....), the grape and fall festival / street market, the Pig Roast, and enough crazyness to last us a while!
and, I love every minute of it.
Already I know our next Saturday is all booked up, and the Saturday after that we are celebrating the September b-days in my family with a fish fry. Of course, I haven't bought any birthday presents yet, so ... we need to get on that! Throw into the mix that I am constantly grading papers (right now there is a large stack of folders staring me in the face and a pile of rubrics beside them waiting to be filled out). Lulu is eating the keyboard as I try to type. The washing machine kicked off and I need to go throw the clothes into the dryer. My cellphone has rang 4 times while typing (because my family is awesome).
I love every minute of it.
Seriously! It's busy. * occasionally* I have moments where I strongly consider saying "no more! I'm going to bed! Turn the phones off!". But, then we go to the next thing and I'm so glad we did. Or, I sweep my floors and after realizing how gross they really were, I feel so much better knowing they are clean! Or, I get to school at 6:45 to set up for a crazy poetry slam, but when the kids enjoy it so much, it makes it all worth it!
I don't know if life really every slows down. I do know that I'm getting better at handling it. For one thing, when I get out of school I don't literally feel like dying. And, the fact that I need to cook dinner when I get home no longer feels like the end of the world (it kind of did for the first week or two of school -- ha!). So, I'd say we are improving! Life is a balancing act. I'm getting better at balancing. And I am loving figuring things out.
If you've read all the way to this point ... go you! You survived a whole lot of rambling, probably some misspellings, and definitely some poorly written sentences ... I'm not on teacher duty right now, you know ;) ha! I don't *really* know what the point of this was, except to let you know I am still alive! I still *want* to get better at blogging. I still have an unexplainable need to write down my thoughts. I still want to share my life with you. AND I am still incredibly thankful for all my blessings and am so glad to be serving such a wonderful God!
Hope all is well with you, too! I promise a more uplifting, thought provoking, "real" blog post soon!
I wish I knew how they did it. Me? I just swept and mopped my floors. And, judging by the amount of dirt, it has been way to long since the last time I did. Wooops. Seriously, though ... I keep saying "life is a balancing act" -- and right now, the hard wood floors having a little bit of dirt just isn't the thing tipping the scales! I DO miss writing out my thoughts though, so, hope you are ready for a random string of thoughts, because here goes:
School is good. I have a fantabulous class. Seriously, great kids. Of course there are a couple that ... well, lets just say there lives would probably be different if they were my child, but hey, we are figuring each other out and getting along just fine. We do fun things. Friday, we had a poetry slam. Seriously, we wrote some awesome poetry, I took in a microphone, spotlight, music, and refreshments -- we turned the lights off, set up a "stage" and shared our poetry "poetry slam" style. And they loved it. Because I am an awesome teacher like that. ;) haha. Of course, there are days when I realize I still have no idea what I'm doing ... in fact, most days have moments like that. But I am, so far, able to fool the kids into thinking I am very confident, so hey! We'll make it.
I love every minute of it.
"real life" is good, too! We've had 3 baby showers, 2 wedding showers, 2 of the sweetest baby boys born, 2 more baby showers to have in the next month or two (uh, lots of babies around....), the grape and fall festival / street market, the Pig Roast, and enough crazyness to last us a while!
and, I love every minute of it.
Already I know our next Saturday is all booked up, and the Saturday after that we are celebrating the September b-days in my family with a fish fry. Of course, I haven't bought any birthday presents yet, so ... we need to get on that! Throw into the mix that I am constantly grading papers (right now there is a large stack of folders staring me in the face and a pile of rubrics beside them waiting to be filled out). Lulu is eating the keyboard as I try to type. The washing machine kicked off and I need to go throw the clothes into the dryer. My cellphone has rang 4 times while typing (because my family is awesome).
I love every minute of it.
Seriously! It's busy. * occasionally* I have moments where I strongly consider saying "no more! I'm going to bed! Turn the phones off!". But, then we go to the next thing and I'm so glad we did. Or, I sweep my floors and after realizing how gross they really were, I feel so much better knowing they are clean! Or, I get to school at 6:45 to set up for a crazy poetry slam, but when the kids enjoy it so much, it makes it all worth it!
I don't know if life really every slows down. I do know that I'm getting better at handling it. For one thing, when I get out of school I don't literally feel like dying. And, the fact that I need to cook dinner when I get home no longer feels like the end of the world (it kind of did for the first week or two of school -- ha!). So, I'd say we are improving! Life is a balancing act. I'm getting better at balancing. And I am loving figuring things out.
If you've read all the way to this point ... go you! You survived a whole lot of rambling, probably some misspellings, and definitely some poorly written sentences ... I'm not on teacher duty right now, you know ;) ha! I don't *really* know what the point of this was, except to let you know I am still alive! I still *want* to get better at blogging. I still have an unexplainable need to write down my thoughts. I still want to share my life with you. AND I am still incredibly thankful for all my blessings and am so glad to be serving such a wonderful God!
Hope all is well with you, too! I promise a more uplifting, thought provoking, "real" blog post soon!
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