A Little Bit Big...

While I was organizing my daughter's bedroom this weekend, it hit me: we've entered the in-between years. 

We're in-between hand made little kid beaded jewelry and grown up real necklaces that need a place. 

We're in-between dolls and Legos and in-between little kid craft supplies and big kid notebooks and pens. 

We're in-between little kid play and big kid play. In-between little kid toys and bigger kid trinkets and decorations. In-between little kid emotions and big kid understandings. 

And ya know what? We'll be here a while. 

And that's okay. 

I'm this in-between stage, I get to watch her explore. Which passions will she hold on to? Which things will she try out and choose to grow in?

In this in-between stage I get a shopping buddy who can enjoy just browsing with me,  and her sister still gets a playmate.

In this in-between stage I get to guide her interests and help her distinguish between situations that call for her to "be big" and when its okay to just play and be crazy.

Oh, sometimes this inbetween stage is hard. She feels aaalll the things and somehow I'm supposed to get her through them. Sometimes I find myself wishing she'd just "act big" and sometimes I'm sure my actions show her as much. But most of the time? Most of the time I find myself wishing it would all slow down and let her stay little a bit longer. 

Because she is my big one. But she's also still my little one. 

So I'll make a place for the favorite dolls next to her desk and drawing pads. I'll hang the necklaces next to the beaded jewelry. And, I'll say a prayer that I can help us both navigate this in-between stage in a way that doesn't rush it, but rather, let's us savor it. 

I don't want to rush the growing up. It's okay for her to be a little bit big and still a little bit little for at least a little bit longer. ♥️

The Unknown Struggles

I paint my nails every other day or so. 

Literally.

I'm not saying that because I'm terribly proud of it... It's actually sort of ridiculous. I can't even really claim to enjoy it. I'm not great at it, and I don't like sitting still long enough for them to dry, So they often have smudges and imperfections.

I don't necessarily even paint them because I want them to look pretty. I definitely don't do it because I expect you to look at my hands and be in love with how great my nails look.

I paint my nails every other day because I'm a habitual nail biter in recovery. For the first time in my life that I can remember I have meals to the ends of my fingers. They are mostly healthy. They are less prone to breakage than they were.

But, when the paint chips or the imperfections become too much, I start picking at them. And picking at them quickly turns to chewing on them ...  which takes me from being "in recovery" to "I'm a nail biter". 

I paint my nails every other day because nail biting was a bad habit, and I'm trying to make nail care a better habbit. 

But you wouldn't know how hard I'm working on that if you just saw me. You wouldn't even know it if I just told you I paint my nails every other day or so. 

I'm not the only one working on a problem that not everyone knows about. I'm not the only one who's doing something that may seem silly to others because it's helping me any real way.

Working on ourselves is a lifelong process. Sometimes one that goes in loops. Sometimes when those frustrating and tedious and tiring.

It's something we're all doing all the time. We don't always know about each others struggles. But we can always be understanding, even if the struggles we don't see and know about. 

Don't feel silly when you are working on you.