Flexing

      PDC days, days where all the teachers have meetings and therefore no kids at school, always begin with me excited for a "break" and a chance to visit with coworkers and leave me wishing we'd just had kids instead! ha! Okay, so the meetings aren't that bad really ... its just complete and total information overload. My brain starts to shut down. I get sleepy. Lots of coffee is consumed. I generally end up surviving.

      Today was no different. BUT today we did make a major decisions: we are going to attempt, try, experiment with, flexing in our 4th grade Communication Arts classes. (bring out the whistles and streamers people, this is BIG news) Our math teachers have been flexing for a while now and loving it (at least mostly!). Math and Comm Arts/ELA are very, very different. And, they demand very different approaches. I can preach you a whole sermon on it. But, in an effort to always do "what's best for kids" we decided today we should jump (at least temporarily) on this bandwagon and give it a fair shake since it seems to be working for other people.

      Flexing is when students are grouped by ability - since there are 3 fourth grade CA teachers, we will have 2 high groups, 2 medium groups, and 2 low groups. The idea behind this is you can really give each group what they need -- more self driven things for your "high flyers", more broken down and teacher led things for those that struggle. Give kids things on the level they are at so that they can excel more.

      I really struggle with this idea. In my own classroom, I do some things (lit circles) by level. That gives me an opportunity to have kids reading books that are on their own level with other peers who can also read those books. But, for most things, I like mixed-ability grouping. This gives low kids a chance to learn from a high kid, and higher kids a chance to learn to work with lower kids AND deepen their own understanding by explaining things. Kids need the opportunity to learn from each other. They need to have deep and meaningful discussions together. When you flex between classes you can still mix within your own group a little bit, but its much more limited. It might be good -- maybe some of the "lower kids" will emerge as leaders in a different group/mix of kids. Maybe it will backfire on us.

      The nice thing is we are trying this for our next unit -- if it doesn't work, we just won't do it again! Simple as that! If it flops, we'll go back to doing things they way we have been. If it works, then that's just peachy too.

       The terrifying things for me? I'm going to have "the low group". Which I am ... apprehensive about. Can I give them what they need? Can I break things down enough? Can I challenge them without overwhelming them? Can I find a balance between "teacher led" and "student driven" that will suit the group? Can I maintain structure in a group that "potentially" has some not so splendid behaviors? Am I really ready to re-tackle the "beginning of the year" teaching of rules and expectations in my classroom? Will I be a good co-teaching partner for Mrs. P (our SpEd inclusion teacher) since I've never co-taught before? How many parent phone calls will I have to field as students and parents question why they have a new Comm Arts teacher? Will the kids that I won't have any more adjust quickly to a different teachers room? Will they be as awesome for another teacher as they have been for me?

        It is seriously like the beginning of the year all over again. Only maybe worse because this time I know what I am getting in to ... eeek!

        So we'll see how it goes. I'm excited. I'm apprehensive. I'm glad we're trying it. I'm scared we won't like it. I'm relieved we can start by calling it "temporary" for 1 unit, 1 quarter, or 1 year until we decide if we want it to be permanent or not. I'm just a bundle of emotions. Which is actually causing quite the pit in my stomach!

      Mostly I am thankful to be part of a team of teachers who are willing and excited to always try to do what is best for kids. No matter how much work it is for us. I'm thankful the ladies I work with will be willing to help me on this new venture. I'm thankful they will be willing to re-evaluate and change things if they don't work. I'm thankful they will be non-judgmental when I mess up and when I ask for help ... because trust me, I will.

       It's a giant leap off the deep end. It's a crazy experiment. It's an adventure. It's a test of what I believe as an educator. It's done in the name of finding "What's best for kids". If it is best for them, it will be wonderful. If its not, we won't do it for long.

        Hopefully I'll get some sleep between now and then. I'm thinking I'll need it!

What are your thoughts on flexing?

crazy week

       I really had every intention of writing on this blog regularly ... silly me! =) Guess you'll have to be content with a random word every now and then!

        School really IS going well. I have a (mostly) fantastic class. Of course, we have our moments of being less than awesome, but for the most part, the rock!  I am loving watching them become better readers and writers as well as better group members, friends, and people. They are all so unique and funny and smart in their own way, it is a blast getting to know them!
 
        This particular week was doomed to be crazy as it was my first experience with parent teacher conferences. I only had a couple that I was "worried about", and they both went splendidly. In fact, Monday and Tuesday's conferences were easy-peasy. Then, Tuesday as I was leaving school my sister called to tell me dad had called the ambulance for himself and thought he might be having a heart attack. Eek! Dad has a lot of "health problems" - asthma  past heart issues, hypothyroidism, tracheomalacia, all kinds of things. So we don't mess around with his health. Robbie and I met everyone at the Rolla hospital (and waited and waited). Dad seemed fine and the Rolla people didn't find anything wrong as far as they could tell, but since the Nitro he took had eased the pressure and he has a history (his own personal and his family) of heart problems, they sent him on to Springfield for more testing. Mom and I followed the ambulance up and got to Springfield about 12:30 AM. We spent Tuesday night and Wednesday night sleeping in the most comfortable chairs the hospital had to offer.....yeah.....

       Everything checked out okay with dad - he had a follow up appointment with his normal doc today and they are exploring some options like esophagus spasms that could cause 'heart attack like' symptoms. I am super blessed to teach with a wonderful team of teachers who, without second thought, made sure sub plans made it onto my desk Wednesday and Thursday AND covered my parent teacher conferences for me as well as doing their own. Simply amazing. I left early Thursday morning to get back to STJ and take a brief nap before doing my last 9 conferences Thursday night (Heather drove up to get mom and dad home once dad was released).

       So, nothing but blessings this week really ... but I am very tired! ha! So, I was thankful for today off and a husband who left for work quietly so I could sleep in =). Now its a relaxing night of Cardinal's game watching, and (if I get motivated), some lesson planning.

       Thanks for everyone who prayed for daddy while we were unsure what was going on, and for all the texts, calls, and offers for help! We are blessed to have a wonderful support system of friends and family and were lucky to have wonderful doctors and nurses along the way, too! Even in scary moments, God never ceases to amaze me -- He is so great!

Blessed

I love that when life is crazy, something always happens to remind me how blessed I am. Sunday morning as I was getting ready for church, Grandma called. She sounded stressed and said "uh, are you almost ready to go?" I was, and asked what she needed "Well", she said, "Could you go sit with Uncle Rusty? They just got back from the ER with his back, and Alisha needs to go get his prescriptions filled but doesn't want to leave him alone". I immediately agreed, but did wander why she wasn't doing it (because normally she would jump on that herself!) "I would go" she said "but they just took Jacob to the hospital thinking he will need his appendix taken out, and I need to meet them to pick up Joshua". And, with that, our Sunday was off and running!

Jacob did have to have his appendix out Sunday afternoon. He is recovering nicely at home and enjoying a couple of days off of school. :) I am thankful appendix removal is such an easy, routine procedure with a quick recovery - it is hard to keep at 4th grade boy down for long!

Uncle Rusty is still having some back pain, but I think is some improved! He has several doctor and chiropractor appointments, so hopefully they will get him worked out soon!

I loved sitting with Uncle Rusty. Okay, so by "sitting with" I mean he laid in bed (on his stomach because his back was hurting on a LOT of pain med so he wasn't very talkative) and I sat quietly in the living room so as not to disturb him, checking on him every 30 minutes or so. So, not a lot going on. I did my own thing, read, worked on some school stuff, prayed ... and I realized (as I do many, many times) how lucky I am to be a part of such a wonderful family. A family who is there for each other. A family who lit up my phones with texts asking how Uncle Rusty was and if I had news about Jacob. A family who always offers to help. A family who genuinely wants to help. A family who thinks to call *me* because they know I want to help.

Family is an awesome thing. I am blessed.

I was also very blessed to make it to Church Sunday evening to hear this sermon:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF0mATW6VC0

I cannot speak highly enough of my brother-in-law's speaking ability! He is a great preacher and a very knowledgeable man. This lesson was perhaps "aimed" at the younger generation, but is definitely wonderful for everyone to listen as it focuses on a few key things like self esteem, remembering God in your youth, and not waiting till its too late. Great sermon -- check it out!

Treading Water

     I seriously think I am getting *worse* at separating from school as the year goes on. How is that  POSSIBLE?! This was supposed to get BETTER not WORSE. eeeek! I hate feeling like I cannot turn my brain off -- like there is always something I need to be doing. I have like little baby panic attacks all the time ... and I need to get. over. it. end of story.

      My class is actually going really well! I feel like I am as successful as any first year teacher ... my class seems to be getting the things I teach them, there scores on every test we've taken is okay, their behavior is in check (well, most of the time...), but I constantly feel like there is something I'm not doing, or something I'm not doing well enough.

      Like I'm not so much swimming as I am barely treading water. 

     On the bright side, I'll take barely treading water over drowning any day.

     It's not like the rest of my life is suffering - I hang out with friends, I spend time with my hubby, my house is *mostly* clean, my laundry as caught up as it ever gets ... but this feeling of uneasiness  or not quite being good enough is just always there in the back of my mind. And I genuinely LOVE my job. I love my kids. I love my coworkers. I love teaching. I just need to find a way to chill out a bit. Or a lot a bit.

     The frustrating thing is, I don't know what to *DO*. I am a "doer". I like to do things. See a problem? Fix it. Think of something that would be good? Get it done. But right now, I feel like I'm doing everything I should be / can be. So there is nothing more for me to do. Except there probably is, I just can't think of it right now. argh!

     So, that means more prayers for peace of mind, for inspiration, for better sleep, and for help remembering I am a first year teacher and that's okay and I'll get better and things will get easier. And until then? A hot bath to help me relax and an early bedtime so I can be at school *early* to figure out what else I need to do.... =)

     Hopefully (although quite possibly *doubtfully*) your life is going a little slower than mine and is a little more stress free ... but even if your life is as crazy as mine right now, I hope you are loving it as much as I am! No matter how stressed I am, I do love my job, and I have a job to love, and I have great people in my life to share it all with - so I am one blessed girl!

love

Sooo, you know those people who have the awesome blogs that they update daily (or a couple times a week) and they always have lots of cute pictures and tons of awesome stories and seem to have endless time to spend sitting at a computer working on their blog to make it so awesome? Yeah ... so not my life. Sorry.

I wish I knew how they did it. Me? I just swept and mopped my floors. And, judging by the amount of dirt, it has been way to long since the last time I did. Wooops. Seriously, though ... I keep saying "life is a balancing act" -- and right now, the hard wood floors having a little bit of dirt just isn't the thing tipping the scales! I DO miss writing out my thoughts though, so, hope you are ready for a random string of thoughts, because here goes:

School is good. I have a fantabulous class. Seriously, great kids. Of course there are a couple that ... well, lets just say there lives would probably be different if they were my child, but hey, we are figuring each other out and getting along just fine. We do fun things. Friday, we had a poetry slam. Seriously, we wrote some awesome poetry, I took in a microphone, spotlight, music, and refreshments -- we turned the lights off, set up a "stage" and shared our poetry "poetry slam" style. And they loved it. Because I am an awesome teacher like that.  ;) haha. Of course, there are days when I realize I still have no idea what I'm doing ... in fact, most days have moments like that. But I am, so far, able to fool the kids into thinking I am very confident, so hey! We'll make it.

I love every minute of it.

"real life" is good, too! We've had 3 baby showers, 2 wedding showers, 2 of the sweetest baby boys born, 2 more baby showers to have in the next month or two (uh, lots of babies around....), the grape and fall festival / street market, the Pig Roast, and enough crazyness to last us a while!

and, I love every minute of it.

Already I know our next Saturday is all booked up, and the Saturday after that we are celebrating the September b-days in my family with a fish fry. Of course, I haven't bought any birthday presents yet, so ... we need to get on that! Throw into the mix that I am constantly grading papers (right now there is a large stack of folders staring me in the face and a pile of rubrics beside them waiting to be filled out). Lulu is eating the keyboard as I try to type. The washing machine kicked off and I need to go throw the clothes into the dryer. My cellphone has rang 4 times while typing (because my family is awesome).

I love every minute of it.

Seriously! It's busy. * occasionally* I have moments where I strongly consider saying "no more! I'm going to bed! Turn the phones off!". But, then we go to the next thing and I'm so glad we did. Or, I sweep my floors and after realizing how gross they really were, I feel so much better knowing they are clean! Or, I get to school at 6:45 to set up for a crazy poetry slam, but when the kids enjoy it so much, it makes it all worth it!

I don't know if life really every slows down. I do know that I'm getting better at handling it. For one thing, when I get out of school I don't literally feel like dying. And, the fact that I need to cook dinner when I get home no longer feels like the end of the world (it kind of did for the first week or two of school -- ha!). So, I'd say we are improving! Life is a balancing act. I'm getting better at balancing. And I am loving figuring things out.

If you've read all the way to this point ... go you! You survived a whole lot of rambling, probably some misspellings, and definitely some poorly written sentences ... I'm not on teacher duty right now, you know ;) ha! I don't *really* know what the point of this was, except to let you know I am still alive! I still *want* to get better at blogging. I still have an unexplainable need to write down my thoughts. I still want to share my life with you. AND I am still incredibly thankful for all my blessings and am so glad to be serving such a wonderful God!

Hope all is well with you, too! I promise a more uplifting, thought provoking, "real" blog post soon!

Finger_____

I KNOW what you are thinking "why, oh why, are we looking at a picture of your hands?" Strange way to start a blog post, I get it. But did you notice?

I have NAILS!!!! 

I don't like spending money on "frivolous" things.  Okay, okay, that would be a lie. I LOVE spending money on frivolous things ... but only on frivolous things that have a point. HA! I like to buy flowers to freshen up my pots (something I really need to do by the way...). That's frivolous-ish. Not completely necessary, but it makes our house look nice. I like to buy people gifts. That's frivolous - except for the fact that it shows how much I care! I like to spend money. BUT  I try not to spend money on "frivolous things" for myself .... 

So, when my momma said I should get my nails done, I was like "ehh...". Getting one's nails done is largely frivolous. Getting one's nails done takes a lot of time - like an hour and a half every other week (I'm not just getting painted - we're talking fake, fake, fake, because I chew my nails off - one of the only bad things I "got" from my wonderful momma). Getting one's nails done takes $$$$$ 35 for the first set. 25 for upkeep. Some places might be cheaper (?) but my girl does an absolutely fantabulous job. However, with the whole "you are going to be a teacher..." thing, I figured mom was right. And I got my nails done. Not just once, but like every other week for a couple of months. eek!

Here is what I decided ... having nails is GREAT. Shannon (my nail lady who ALSO happens to be my hair lady...) is helping me on my "12 step program" (ha! Nail biting is *seriously* like kicking an addiction!). We did fake nails. For a long time. I broke them, she fixed them. And my nails did something awesome -- they GREW. Who knew?! Then my nails got long enough we did "less fake" nails - just a thin layer of the acrylic. And they are awesome. And now, those nails you see in the picture, are (mostly) MINE. All mine. No fakeyness! I say "mostly" because a few of them still have the thin layer of acrylic on them because my appointment with Shannon when she will take off the acrylic and give me a nice "real nail" manicure isn't till Thursday ... I am just really good at breaking fake nails and popping them off (oops...). 

Having my own nails is awesome. Not biting them (hopefully) lets me look more confident ... which turns out is IMPORTANT when you are a nervous first year teacher! Not biting them (hopefully) will help me stay healthier - germs are icky. Think of all the germs on those fingers I was sticking in my mouth! bleh! Not biting my nails makes my hands look prettier. Not biting my nails is great. Shoulda done that a long time ago. ha!

Now, my nails are still super flimsy - these things don't get fixed over night! So we are doing lots of nail straightener and *hoping* they don't break! I file them a lot - make sure they stay painted - because I am worried that if they chip or break I will start picking at them and slip back into my nail biting ways ... so if you see me filing away, try not to laugh! Remember, it's just a part of my 12 step program... ;).

first

Day 1 was a success! Exhausting, perhaps, but a success none-the-less. =) It is amazing to me how quickly you can bond with 22 kids. I already feel so attached to each of them. Some of them are going to drive me crazy - I know that. Some of them can't stand still in line and don't know how to be quiet. They will learn. They will get better. They are all so eager - eager to be liked, eager to be praised, eager to be "good". And they ARE good. They are, in fact, fantastic! And they will get better -- we will get better.

There was absolutely no point in the day that I felt clueless or stressed. Which was AWESOME. Everything ran smoothly, and while we may have been 2 minutes late for recess, that was okay because it was just an extra recess and the kids don't know the schedule well enough to call me on it anyway =).

Tomorrow we switch classes for the first time and I'll get to meet 25 more kiddos that will come to me for comm arts. That means I'll have 47 kids that rely on me to help them with reading and writing. Most of whom don't really like reading and writing. And that is scary! But it's also exciting, and thrilling, and brings me sooo much joy that I can't imagine doing anything else.

Sooo, day one down, only ? more to go. A lot. too many. But we'll have fun filling them up =).

Next up: Day 2. Then baby shower. Then the first full week. And *hopefully* lots and lots of sleep. It'ts 8:50 -- I'm going to bed. That's what a first day does to a first year teacher. But that's okay, because it's awesome. =).