I seriously think I am getting *worse* at separating from school as the year goes on. How is that POSSIBLE?! This was supposed to get BETTER not WORSE. eeeek! I hate feeling like I cannot turn my brain off -- like there is always something I need to be doing. I have like little baby panic attacks all the time ... and I need to get. over. it. end of story.
My class is actually going really well! I feel like I am as successful as any first year teacher ... my class seems to be getting the things I teach them, there scores on every test we've taken is okay, their behavior is in check (well, most of the time...), but I constantly feel like there is something I'm not doing, or something I'm not doing well enough.
Like I'm not so much swimming as I am barely treading water.
On the bright side, I'll take barely treading water over drowning any day.
It's not like the rest of my life is suffering - I hang out with friends, I spend time with my hubby, my house is *mostly* clean, my laundry as caught up as it ever gets ... but this feeling of uneasiness or not quite being good enough is just always there in the back of my mind. And I genuinely LOVE my job. I love my kids. I love my coworkers. I love teaching. I just need to find a way to chill out a bit. Or a lot a bit.
The frustrating thing is, I don't know what to *DO*. I am a "doer". I like to do things. See a problem? Fix it. Think of something that would be good? Get it done. But right now, I feel like I'm doing everything I should be / can be. So there is nothing more for me to do. Except there probably is, I just can't think of it right now. argh!
So, that means more prayers for peace of mind, for inspiration, for better sleep, and for help remembering I am a first year teacher and that's okay and I'll get better and things will get easier. And until then? A hot bath to help me relax and an early bedtime so I can be at school *early* to figure out what else I need to do.... =)
Hopefully (although quite possibly *doubtfully*) your life is going a little slower than mine and is a little more stress free ... but even if your life is as crazy as mine right now, I hope you are loving it as much as I am! No matter how stressed I am, I do love my job, and I have a job to love, and I have great people in my life to share it all with - so I am one blessed girl!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
love
Sooo, you know those people who have the awesome blogs that they update daily (or a couple times a week) and they always have lots of cute pictures and tons of awesome stories and seem to have endless time to spend sitting at a computer working on their blog to make it so awesome? Yeah ... so not my life. Sorry.
I wish I knew how they did it. Me? I just swept and mopped my floors. And, judging by the amount of dirt, it has been way to long since the last time I did. Wooops. Seriously, though ... I keep saying "life is a balancing act" -- and right now, the hard wood floors having a little bit of dirt just isn't the thing tipping the scales! I DO miss writing out my thoughts though, so, hope you are ready for a random string of thoughts, because here goes:
School is good. I have a fantabulous class. Seriously, great kids. Of course there are a couple that ... well, lets just say there lives would probably be different if they were my child, but hey, we are figuring each other out and getting along just fine. We do fun things. Friday, we had a poetry slam. Seriously, we wrote some awesome poetry, I took in a microphone, spotlight, music, and refreshments -- we turned the lights off, set up a "stage" and shared our poetry "poetry slam" style. And they loved it. Because I am an awesome teacher like that. ;) haha. Of course, there are days when I realize I still have no idea what I'm doing ... in fact, most days have moments like that. But I am, so far, able to fool the kids into thinking I am very confident, so hey! We'll make it.
I love every minute of it.
"real life" is good, too! We've had 3 baby showers, 2 wedding showers, 2 of the sweetest baby boys born, 2 more baby showers to have in the next month or two (uh, lots of babies around....), the grape and fall festival / street market, the Pig Roast, and enough crazyness to last us a while!
and, I love every minute of it.
Already I know our next Saturday is all booked up, and the Saturday after that we are celebrating the September b-days in my family with a fish fry. Of course, I haven't bought any birthday presents yet, so ... we need to get on that! Throw into the mix that I am constantly grading papers (right now there is a large stack of folders staring me in the face and a pile of rubrics beside them waiting to be filled out). Lulu is eating the keyboard as I try to type. The washing machine kicked off and I need to go throw the clothes into the dryer. My cellphone has rang 4 times while typing (because my family is awesome).
I love every minute of it.
Seriously! It's busy. * occasionally* I have moments where I strongly consider saying "no more! I'm going to bed! Turn the phones off!". But, then we go to the next thing and I'm so glad we did. Or, I sweep my floors and after realizing how gross they really were, I feel so much better knowing they are clean! Or, I get to school at 6:45 to set up for a crazy poetry slam, but when the kids enjoy it so much, it makes it all worth it!
I don't know if life really every slows down. I do know that I'm getting better at handling it. For one thing, when I get out of school I don't literally feel like dying. And, the fact that I need to cook dinner when I get home no longer feels like the end of the world (it kind of did for the first week or two of school -- ha!). So, I'd say we are improving! Life is a balancing act. I'm getting better at balancing. And I am loving figuring things out.
If you've read all the way to this point ... go you! You survived a whole lot of rambling, probably some misspellings, and definitely some poorly written sentences ... I'm not on teacher duty right now, you know ;) ha! I don't *really* know what the point of this was, except to let you know I am still alive! I still *want* to get better at blogging. I still have an unexplainable need to write down my thoughts. I still want to share my life with you. AND I am still incredibly thankful for all my blessings and am so glad to be serving such a wonderful God!
Hope all is well with you, too! I promise a more uplifting, thought provoking, "real" blog post soon!
I wish I knew how they did it. Me? I just swept and mopped my floors. And, judging by the amount of dirt, it has been way to long since the last time I did. Wooops. Seriously, though ... I keep saying "life is a balancing act" -- and right now, the hard wood floors having a little bit of dirt just isn't the thing tipping the scales! I DO miss writing out my thoughts though, so, hope you are ready for a random string of thoughts, because here goes:
School is good. I have a fantabulous class. Seriously, great kids. Of course there are a couple that ... well, lets just say there lives would probably be different if they were my child, but hey, we are figuring each other out and getting along just fine. We do fun things. Friday, we had a poetry slam. Seriously, we wrote some awesome poetry, I took in a microphone, spotlight, music, and refreshments -- we turned the lights off, set up a "stage" and shared our poetry "poetry slam" style. And they loved it. Because I am an awesome teacher like that. ;) haha. Of course, there are days when I realize I still have no idea what I'm doing ... in fact, most days have moments like that. But I am, so far, able to fool the kids into thinking I am very confident, so hey! We'll make it.
I love every minute of it.
"real life" is good, too! We've had 3 baby showers, 2 wedding showers, 2 of the sweetest baby boys born, 2 more baby showers to have in the next month or two (uh, lots of babies around....), the grape and fall festival / street market, the Pig Roast, and enough crazyness to last us a while!
and, I love every minute of it.
Already I know our next Saturday is all booked up, and the Saturday after that we are celebrating the September b-days in my family with a fish fry. Of course, I haven't bought any birthday presents yet, so ... we need to get on that! Throw into the mix that I am constantly grading papers (right now there is a large stack of folders staring me in the face and a pile of rubrics beside them waiting to be filled out). Lulu is eating the keyboard as I try to type. The washing machine kicked off and I need to go throw the clothes into the dryer. My cellphone has rang 4 times while typing (because my family is awesome).
I love every minute of it.
Seriously! It's busy. * occasionally* I have moments where I strongly consider saying "no more! I'm going to bed! Turn the phones off!". But, then we go to the next thing and I'm so glad we did. Or, I sweep my floors and after realizing how gross they really were, I feel so much better knowing they are clean! Or, I get to school at 6:45 to set up for a crazy poetry slam, but when the kids enjoy it so much, it makes it all worth it!
I don't know if life really every slows down. I do know that I'm getting better at handling it. For one thing, when I get out of school I don't literally feel like dying. And, the fact that I need to cook dinner when I get home no longer feels like the end of the world (it kind of did for the first week or two of school -- ha!). So, I'd say we are improving! Life is a balancing act. I'm getting better at balancing. And I am loving figuring things out.
If you've read all the way to this point ... go you! You survived a whole lot of rambling, probably some misspellings, and definitely some poorly written sentences ... I'm not on teacher duty right now, you know ;) ha! I don't *really* know what the point of this was, except to let you know I am still alive! I still *want* to get better at blogging. I still have an unexplainable need to write down my thoughts. I still want to share my life with you. AND I am still incredibly thankful for all my blessings and am so glad to be serving such a wonderful God!
Hope all is well with you, too! I promise a more uplifting, thought provoking, "real" blog post soon!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Finger_____
I KNOW what you are thinking "why, oh why, are we looking at a picture of your hands?" Strange way to start a blog post, I get it. But did you notice?
I have NAILS!!!!
So, when my momma said I should get my nails done, I was like "ehh...". Getting one's nails done is largely frivolous. Getting one's nails done takes a lot of time - like an hour and a half every other week (I'm not just getting painted - we're talking fake, fake, fake, because I chew my nails off - one of the only bad things I "got" from my wonderful momma). Getting one's nails done takes $$$$$ 35 for the first set. 25 for upkeep. Some places might be cheaper (?) but my girl does an absolutely fantabulous job. However, with the whole "you are going to be a teacher..." thing, I figured mom was right. And I got my nails done. Not just once, but like every other week for a couple of months. eek!
Here is what I decided ... having nails is GREAT. Shannon (my nail lady who ALSO happens to be my hair lady...) is helping me on my "12 step program" (ha! Nail biting is *seriously* like kicking an addiction!). We did fake nails. For a long time. I broke them, she fixed them. And my nails did something awesome -- they GREW. Who knew?! Then my nails got long enough we did "less fake" nails - just a thin layer of the acrylic. And they are awesome. And now, those nails you see in the picture, are (mostly) MINE. All mine. No fakeyness! I say "mostly" because a few of them still have the thin layer of acrylic on them because my appointment with Shannon when she will take off the acrylic and give me a nice "real nail" manicure isn't till Thursday ... I am just really good at breaking fake nails and popping them off (oops...).
Having my own nails is awesome. Not biting them (hopefully) lets me look more confident ... which turns out is IMPORTANT when you are a nervous first year teacher! Not biting them (hopefully) will help me stay healthier - germs are icky. Think of all the germs on those fingers I was sticking in my mouth! bleh! Not biting my nails makes my hands look prettier. Not biting my nails is great. Shoulda done that a long time ago. ha!
Now, my nails are still super flimsy - these things don't get fixed over night! So we are doing lots of nail straightener and *hoping* they don't break! I file them a lot - make sure they stay painted - because I am worried that if they chip or break I will start picking at them and slip back into my nail biting ways ... so if you see me filing away, try not to laugh! Remember, it's just a part of my 12 step program... ;).
Thursday, August 9, 2012
first
Day 1 was a success! Exhausting, perhaps, but a success none-the-less. =) It is amazing to me how quickly you can bond with 22 kids. I already feel so attached to each of them. Some of them are going to drive me crazy - I know that. Some of them can't stand still in line and don't know how to be quiet. They will learn. They will get better. They are all so eager - eager to be liked, eager to be praised, eager to be "good". And they ARE good. They are, in fact, fantastic! And they will get better -- we will get better.
There was absolutely no point in the day that I felt clueless or stressed. Which was AWESOME. Everything ran smoothly, and while we may have been 2 minutes late for recess, that was okay because it was just an extra recess and the kids don't know the schedule well enough to call me on it anyway =).
Tomorrow we switch classes for the first time and I'll get to meet 25 more kiddos that will come to me for comm arts. That means I'll have 47 kids that rely on me to help them with reading and writing. Most of whom don't really like reading and writing. And that is scary! But it's also exciting, and thrilling, and brings me sooo much joy that I can't imagine doing anything else.
Sooo, day one down, only ? more to go. A lot. too many. But we'll have fun filling them up =).
Next up: Day 2. Then baby shower. Then the first full week. And *hopefully* lots and lots of sleep. It'ts 8:50 -- I'm going to bed. That's what a first day does to a first year teacher. But that's okay, because it's awesome. =).
There was absolutely no point in the day that I felt clueless or stressed. Which was AWESOME. Everything ran smoothly, and while we may have been 2 minutes late for recess, that was okay because it was just an extra recess and the kids don't know the schedule well enough to call me on it anyway =).
Tomorrow we switch classes for the first time and I'll get to meet 25 more kiddos that will come to me for comm arts. That means I'll have 47 kids that rely on me to help them with reading and writing. Most of whom don't really like reading and writing. And that is scary! But it's also exciting, and thrilling, and brings me sooo much joy that I can't imagine doing anything else.
Sooo, day one down, only ? more to go. A lot. too many. But we'll have fun filling them up =).
Next up: Day 2. Then baby shower. Then the first full week. And *hopefully* lots and lots of sleep. It'ts 8:50 -- I'm going to bed. That's what a first day does to a first year teacher. But that's okay, because it's awesome. =).
Monday, August 6, 2012
Becka
I am *slightly* opinionated about education. (Those of you who only know me as a "first year teacher" don't be fooled -- I'll get warmed up soon ;) Seriously. I know what I think, feel, believe, and I am not afraid to tell you about it. Therefore, there are a lot of people I don't quite agree with. (I know, I know, you're shocked!). In college this fact was definitely confirmed. Put me in a room with a bunch of other "teacher-to-be's" and we can sure have some good *ahem* discussions.
Enter Becka Braker. We met in a math class when we partnered up for a project (random side note, I only asked Becka to be my partner because I was pretty sure she lived in my dorm and I was tooo lazy to want to be partners with someone I'd have to drive or walk to meet up with! Turns out she didn't live in my dorm, but did visit her best friend there a lot ....). Best. Decision. Ever. We ended up being partners for lots of things. And (thankfully for me!) becoming friends!
Becka and I agree on ... I'm just gonna go with everything. We have a lot of the same ideas about education. We share a lot of the same beliefs. We even have a lot of the same ideas (although hers usually come out with a bit more *bam! I'm awesome!* than mine!). And I adore her. I love her because we agree (ha!) - but mostly I love her because she is seriously out to change the world. I mean, come on. How can you not love someone who answers the question "why did you want to be a teacher?" with "Because being a Ninja Turtle just didn't work out and this is the next best thing". Seriously. She said that. Awesome.
ANYWHO, Becka is one of a kind - a ball of energy. She is so eager to help every kid and she has a special place in her heart for what I would call "hard cases". And that's why I want you to take a look at this: Her Project.
Becka and I are going to have very different experiences as 1st year teachers even though we are both teaching 4th grade ... because while I am blessed to teach in a school district with tons of books, lots of resources (I mean, really - I got my own ipad!), Becka got brave and dove into being an educator in a district where she is hunting up her own books and trying to teach kids to like reading. And if anybody can do it, she can. But she needs a hand. Maybe your hand.
I *know* Becka's life hasn't always gone exactly according to plan - but she is doing amazing things along her new path. A path that took her away from Springfield to New Orleans of all places! I can't wait to hear her stories (and there WILL BE some awesome one!). Most of all, I am so excited for all the kids who get to have her as a teacher, mentor, and friend. Because if she can influence me as much as she did, how awesome is she going to be for 4th graders?!
BUT she can't do it alone! Even Ninja Turtles need help sometimes =).
Enter Becka Braker. We met in a math class when we partnered up for a project (random side note, I only asked Becka to be my partner because I was pretty sure she lived in my dorm and I was tooo lazy to want to be partners with someone I'd have to drive or walk to meet up with! Turns out she didn't live in my dorm, but did visit her best friend there a lot ....). Best. Decision. Ever. We ended up being partners for lots of things. And (thankfully for me!) becoming friends!
Becka and I agree on ... I'm just gonna go with everything. We have a lot of the same ideas about education. We share a lot of the same beliefs. We even have a lot of the same ideas (although hers usually come out with a bit more *bam! I'm awesome!* than mine!). And I adore her. I love her because we agree (ha!) - but mostly I love her because she is seriously out to change the world. I mean, come on. How can you not love someone who answers the question "why did you want to be a teacher?" with "Because being a Ninja Turtle just didn't work out and this is the next best thing". Seriously. She said that. Awesome.
ANYWHO, Becka is one of a kind - a ball of energy. She is so eager to help every kid and she has a special place in her heart for what I would call "hard cases". And that's why I want you to take a look at this: Her Project.
Becka and I are going to have very different experiences as 1st year teachers even though we are both teaching 4th grade ... because while I am blessed to teach in a school district with tons of books, lots of resources (I mean, really - I got my own ipad!), Becka got brave and dove into being an educator in a district where she is hunting up her own books and trying to teach kids to like reading. And if anybody can do it, she can. But she needs a hand. Maybe your hand.
I *know* Becka's life hasn't always gone exactly according to plan - but she is doing amazing things along her new path. A path that took her away from Springfield to New Orleans of all places! I can't wait to hear her stories (and there WILL BE some awesome one!). Most of all, I am so excited for all the kids who get to have her as a teacher, mentor, and friend. Because if she can influence me as much as she did, how awesome is she going to be for 4th graders?!
BUT she can't do it alone! Even Ninja Turtles need help sometimes =).
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Crazytown
It has begun! Thursday and Friday I spent my days in meetings - and Monday and Tuesday will be more of the same! My new teacher brain is suffering from a *bit* of overload -- but I'm sure it could be worse....
I am, of course, loving every minute of it. Even the crazy "oh my goodness I don't know what I'm doing" moments like yesterday when I was meeting with a few other teachers and I said "Okay, someone please tell me you feel as lost as I do right now. Even if you have to lie to me ... seriously". Sometimes you just need to hear that you aren't crazy, that other people are still figuring things out too! I am soo blessed to have two other ladies teaching 4th grade comm arts with me that have tons of knowledge experience! annnndd it helps that they are super sweet and awesome and willing to help me :).
Tuesday night is open house, and that is *honestly* the only part I'm really "nervous" about. I can handle kids - they don't scare me. But parents? eek! Just a bit intimidating! Poor Robbie has only witnessed one or two "freak out" moments when things weren't working right. Thankfully he is a technology genius and has been able to work through all my technology bobbles and get everything running smoothly for me. Love him.
Today we did things like wal*mart (blech!) and Aldies (which was insanely busy...). I knew today (Saturday AND tax holiday) would not be a fun time to be in Rolla (and it definitely wasn't), BUT it is so nice to have our shopping done for a while! And when we got home I cleaned house (as soon as I get the sheets out of the dryer and back on the bed I'll be DONE). NOW I can focus on school and just "keep up" at home till I get in the school routine - and THAT is a very good feeling.
So, this post was incredibly random and rambley (my bad) ... So, I'll end it random too:
Look who has been hanging out in the "house" the last couple of days ... uh, anybody want a java finch if we end up with babies?! (that would be my luck....) ha!
I am, of course, loving every minute of it. Even the crazy "oh my goodness I don't know what I'm doing" moments like yesterday when I was meeting with a few other teachers and I said "Okay, someone please tell me you feel as lost as I do right now. Even if you have to lie to me ... seriously". Sometimes you just need to hear that you aren't crazy, that other people are still figuring things out too! I am soo blessed to have two other ladies teaching 4th grade comm arts with me that have tons of knowledge experience! annnndd it helps that they are super sweet and awesome and willing to help me :).
Tuesday night is open house, and that is *honestly* the only part I'm really "nervous" about. I can handle kids - they don't scare me. But parents? eek! Just a bit intimidating! Poor Robbie has only witnessed one or two "freak out" moments when things weren't working right. Thankfully he is a technology genius and has been able to work through all my technology bobbles and get everything running smoothly for me. Love him.
Today we did things like wal*mart (blech!) and Aldies (which was insanely busy...). I knew today (Saturday AND tax holiday) would not be a fun time to be in Rolla (and it definitely wasn't), BUT it is so nice to have our shopping done for a while! And when we got home I cleaned house (as soon as I get the sheets out of the dryer and back on the bed I'll be DONE). NOW I can focus on school and just "keep up" at home till I get in the school routine - and THAT is a very good feeling.
So, this post was incredibly random and rambley (my bad) ... So, I'll end it random too:
Monday, July 30, 2012
Call me crazy...
...because I probably am. But I am so. in. love.
Meet my 3 new babies. They are Java Finches (also known as Java Rice Finches and Java Sparrows). And they are AWESOME. They make the coolest little noises (clicking, whirring, singing) and are so fun to watch! I *think* we have one male and two females -- but it is really hard to tell the gender, so I'm not positive. Regardless, these guys are fun ... and so, they are going in to school with me.
That's right people, we are going to have a class pet. 3 of them. And they are birds. Like I said, feel free to call me crazy.
I was never, ever a bird lover. I actually thought they were icky (all that poop!) and I was kind of scared of them. And then I got married to a cockatiel lover and this happened:
It didn't take long for Lulu to become my baby. She rides on my shoulder, my hand, chases our toes and sings to them (she's a little weird...), talks to us (she says actual words!), and is actually a lot of company. I adore her. She does poop a lot. And everywhere. But the poop doesn't stink and it wipes up easy. She does screech sometimes which gets annoying (especially when she gets excited because we have people over), but she usually just needs a little attention and she's good to go.
Now good things about the finches:
They will stay in their cage. Unlike Lulu, they are not "finger tamed" birds, so the kids won't handle them. Since they are for "watching only", their poop will be contained to their cage. Which is excellent.
Lulu throws her seed when she eats (she breaks seed with her beak and one half usually ends up on my floor. She also throws seed at you to get your attention. Seriously. My Javas? nooo seed throwing = less of a mess for me to sweep up constantly!
Java's are quiet. Their noises are adorable, but quiet. Nooo screeching. So, they shouldn't be *too* distracting once the kids get used to them being around.
They don't stink! Bird poop may be gross, but it doesn't stink. I will clean it frequently, but in between cleanings there won't be a smell which is a huge plus!
These particular birds are hardy. Not all birds are. But these guys can handle fairly warm and fairly cold temperatures, so they will be okay at school (even if the heat or air goes off for a few hours!) They, of course, will come home with me over long breaks, but not weekends!
DISCLAIMER:
I know, know, know pets are a lot of work. I *tried and tried* to talk myself out of getting a class pet. Or at least waiting. But, these guys were such a good deal (50 for the three birds and their cage!). And they are so neat and unusual. And most of all, I firmly believe pets are essential for kids. I blame my mother for this part - she has always had a class pet (her current pets are fish and a chinchilla!). Kids need to interact with animals and learn how to respect them. It will give us a science lesson or 20, lots of things to write about, a geography lesson, the list goes on and on. AND (with guidance) the kids will learn responsibility when they help feed and water and even clean! Plus, class pets are just plain awesome - and I'm not the only person that thinks so! Read about them here!
Meet my 3 new babies. They are Java Finches (also known as Java Rice Finches and Java Sparrows). And they are AWESOME. They make the coolest little noises (clicking, whirring, singing) and are so fun to watch! I *think* we have one male and two females -- but it is really hard to tell the gender, so I'm not positive. Regardless, these guys are fun ... and so, they are going in to school with me.
That's right people, we are going to have a class pet. 3 of them. And they are birds. Like I said, feel free to call me crazy.
I was never, ever a bird lover. I actually thought they were icky (all that poop!) and I was kind of scared of them. And then I got married to a cockatiel lover and this happened:
Now good things about the finches:
They will stay in their cage. Unlike Lulu, they are not "finger tamed" birds, so the kids won't handle them. Since they are for "watching only", their poop will be contained to their cage. Which is excellent.
Lulu throws her seed when she eats (she breaks seed with her beak and one half usually ends up on my floor. She also throws seed at you to get your attention. Seriously. My Javas? nooo seed throwing = less of a mess for me to sweep up constantly!
Java's are quiet. Their noises are adorable, but quiet. Nooo screeching. So, they shouldn't be *too* distracting once the kids get used to them being around.
They don't stink! Bird poop may be gross, but it doesn't stink. I will clean it frequently, but in between cleanings there won't be a smell which is a huge plus!
These particular birds are hardy. Not all birds are. But these guys can handle fairly warm and fairly cold temperatures, so they will be okay at school (even if the heat or air goes off for a few hours!) They, of course, will come home with me over long breaks, but not weekends!
DISCLAIMER:
I know, know, know pets are a lot of work. I *tried and tried* to talk myself out of getting a class pet. Or at least waiting. But, these guys were such a good deal (50 for the three birds and their cage!). And they are so neat and unusual. And most of all, I firmly believe pets are essential for kids. I blame my mother for this part - she has always had a class pet (her current pets are fish and a chinchilla!). Kids need to interact with animals and learn how to respect them. It will give us a science lesson or 20, lots of things to write about, a geography lesson, the list goes on and on. AND (with guidance) the kids will learn responsibility when they help feed and water and even clean! Plus, class pets are just plain awesome - and I'm not the only person that thinks so! Read about them here!
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