Transformation

This week is the week before back to school teacher meetings begin, so I've spent a fair amount of time working in my classroom. 

The goal is always prep the room for the beginning of a new year. Make it look fresh and inviting for an awesome group of students .... Make it be organized and functional for all.

This year I went a little further because I wanted to change things up. I (with some awesome help) painted the shelves, rearranged the tables, and streamlined the clutter. I even got a new rug!

My room has been truly transformed .... In a matter of 2 partial days. Which got me thinking ... Why can't all transformations be that easy? 

When I set out to tansform myself ... Why is it so much harder than redoing a classroom? Why is kicking a bad habit (ahem ... Nail biting) which I've been trying to do ALL summer so much harder than painting shelves? Why is changing and controlling my thoughts and reactions so much more difficult than rearranging tables and putting up new bulletin boards?

And then it hit me. I transformed my classroom easily this year because I didn't clean the closet. In fact, I have yet to open the closet door. 

People, I have lived in this classroom for 10 years (whoa!). The first several years I organized my closet each August. I made sure all the construction paper was sorted by color and neatly stacked. The theme boxes were easy to pull out, everything had a place. 

Now?

Now I haven't organized the closet in at least 4 years.

Why not? .... Because I don't want to. 

Oh, I could give you lots of reasons (ahem, excuses...).

...... I have kids now. 2 of them. They deserve my time and I don't want to leave them more than necessary at the beginning of the year. 

....We got into our classrooms a little later this time around so I didn't have that much time. 

....I can still *see* all the colors of construction paper.

....The door still closes. 

....Usually nothing falls out when I open the door.

.... It's more important to focus on the parts people see.

.... It's a really time consuming process and messes up the rest of my room. 

Those last 4 .... They are hitting close to the real thing. 

Closet clean outs are messy. You have to make a bigger mess to clean the mess .... Everything must be pulled out (which clutters all the other spaces), things have to be sorted through, decisions must be made about what to keep and what to get rid of, things have to be wiped down and cleaned off, and THEN what's being kept has to be put back and what's being thrown out has to be carried off .... 

It's exhausting. And messy. And sometimes embarrassing for someone to walk in and see.

And maybe *that's* what a real transformation is. 

Maybe a real, lasting, transformation of our hearts and minds and habits is way more like cleaning a closet than it is like decorating a classroom. 

In Romans 12:2 when it says "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.", we aren't talking about a room facelift. We can't cut our hair, buy a new wardrobe, and call it good like I did when I painted my shelves and rearranged things in my room. This transformation? It's a closet clean out. 

In order to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" we have to give our minds space to be renewed. That means we have to pull everything out and sort it. We have to decide what thoughts, what habits, what loves, get to stay .... And which ones have to go. It's going to be time consuming. It's liable to be quite messy .... And parts of it may even embarrass us. But when we're done? 

Oh, when we're done we'll realize it was much more important - and worth the effort - than any mere facelift could be. 

My shelves won't stay flawless for long. The first day my 4th graders stack their chairs ... There goes that. The bulletin boards will stay neat for a while - but they will fade with time and the picking fingers of kids passing by. If my closet was clean however, I'd be more able to maintain the organizational structure of my classroom and I'd be less likely to clutter it back up. 

The problem is, closets aren't the only thing we think "no one can see it with the door closed" about. And when we allow ourselves to think that way about our hearts? Watch. Out. 

First of all ... It's not secret. 

1 Samuel 16:7 (and numerous other verses) let us know that God sees our hearts: "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

And secondly, we won't be able to keep it secret anyway. 

Matt. 12:34 reminds us that our words and actions come from the heart "You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." 

Furthermore, it is harming us: 

Matthew 15:17 reads "Do you not yet understand that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and is eliminated? But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man."

The bottom line is, if we don't transform our hearts - no outward appearance of a transformation will save us. 

So, soon, I will dig in and clean out my classroom closet before I run a further risk of it spilling out and messing up my room makeover. 

And immediately, I'll dig back in to my own much more personal transformation .... Because when it comes to matters of the heart and mind, there is always more work to be done and growth to be had.

Balance

After a wonderful summer with a little extra time and a few less obligations, the school year is calling me back to the real world ... Which means it's time for this yearly reminder to myself: 

"Prioritize your priorities and let what needs to go, because balance is not something you find, it's something you create."

Let's face it, none of us go around doing a whole lot of things we seem totally unimportant. We (largely) spend our time doing things we like, things we enjoy, or things we decide need done. Which means it's often hard for us to "cut" things from our plates and to-do lists. If it's all important, what goes? 

So here's what I'm hoping will allow me to keep taking deep breaths this August .... balance.

If you pictured this:

don't. Instead, picture this:

If you Google "balance" the number 1 definition that pops up is "keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall." 

When you build a block tower, even the toddler builder fairly quickly figures out that the tower needs a steady base to allow the tower to stand. If you rush building and bump the tower or get things off center, the whole tower is likely to topple prematurely. Instead, the block tower builder needs to carefully put each block on steadily, in a solid, maintainable position.

We have so many "blocks" in our worlds. Church, Bible study, marriage, children, extended family relationships, friends, careers, hobbies, pets ... the list could go on and on. Our responsibilities and our chosen past times fill our hands - which is GREAT - as long as we keep them balanced.

You may occasionally hear me say I'm "juggling" it ... but I'm trying to strike that phase from my vocabulary. Here's why:

If you Google "juggling" the top definition is "continuously tossing into the air and catching (a number of objects) so as to keep at least one in the air while handling the others, typically for the entertainment of others" and the second is "cope with by adroitly balancing".

Okay - I love you all - but I don't have the mind space to do much "for the entertainment of others" (ha) and continuously tossing things into the air just sounds exhausting. AND do you know what "adroitly" means? It means "in a clever or skillful way". I can *guarantee* you that at the end of every day the first month of school I will be much too tired to be clever and skillfully tossing things into the air and catching them. 

.... ain't nobody got time for that.

So, instead, I will balance - with careful thought - as much as I can. When you build a really tall tower, the base has to be the biggest - the most solid. Then, the levels may get skinnier, and even a little wobbly, the higher up you go.  

For me, this means, my "big" things - my highest prioritized priorities - are my base. My Bible study, my relationship with God, my worship are the base I *must* maintain. The things that are tied directly to that are my next, almost as large, level: my marriage,  my daughters, my family, the relationships that keep me going strong and that are important for me to keep up.

Some levels have variances and choices that must be made - as a teacher, my career is important, but can also be consuming. I LOVE my job and always want to give it my all ... but choices have to be made. How many extra clubs will I sponsor? How many extra duties do I sign up for? How much extra time do I put in? 

And some levels may have "time variances" .... sometimes my friends need me to get together with them, to reach out, to engage frequently. Sometimes my friends (because they are awesome) understand that my social life needs to take a back seat for a time. Things ebb and flow - and that is okay, too.

Some levels are fun, and may be temporary. They balance on the top for a time, and then can be removed. Lydia played spring soccer and loved it! It was worth the time commitment for her, and we'll probably balance it again this spring. She isn't playing fall soccer because I don't see a way to balance that. And, that's okay too! Remember this post? It's the only juggling analogy I love ... sometimes the plastic balls have to be allowed to drop so the glass ones can stay in the air. Will she be slightly disappointed when she doesn't get to play fall soccer? Yes. Will she live and move on incredibly quickly without any life-long damage and baggage? Also yes (phew). 

And, here is the *best* thing about balancing when you're building a block tower .... you can stop and readjust along the way. A new block needs put in? Figure out where it fits *without* knocking over the whole thing. Does it strengthen the base? Does it fit well with a different level? Does it teeter on the top and bring enough positives to be worth the extra height?  All good. But if it overwhelms the base and threatens to make your balanced tower topple ..... reconsider, and maintain the balance.

Acting On Love

There are lots of reasons people do things.

To gain attention.

To please others.

Moral obligation to do the right thing.

Love.

Fear.

Anger.

Feelings of obligation. 

To please themselves.

To find joy.

To make money.

To gain status.

I'm sure you could add to the list. 

The thing is, most of those reasons we do things ebb and flow. 

We get the attention and status we wanted.

We give up on gaining attention and status.

We tire of trying to please others. 

We get fed up.

Fear and anger fade.

We tire of obligation.

We make money.

We decide money doesn't matter.

Peer pressure steers us. 

The things of the world - the things of our human nature - mold us and push us and shape us change us and force our path.

Unless.

Unless we are choosing to allow ourselves to be shaped by love instead. 

Love keeps us going when we're tired. Love keeps us doing the right thing when the wrong thing would be easier. Love keeps us headed the right direction even when it's unpopular. Love begets patience and beats fear and anger every time. 

Love is the only motivation that doesn't fail us. Love outlasts everything else. 

I think that's why Jesus tells us in John14:15  "If you love Me, keep my commandments." 

Maybe we were raised in the church and our parents expect us there.Maybe our social group are God pleasing people. Maybe we're smart enough to be in awe of God's power. Maybe we are simply trying to find the right thing to do. 

None of those things are bad ...in fact, they are all good. But if we don't also love God, none of those other things will last. 

Active love keeps us being kind to others even when they are hard to be kind to. Active love keeps us getting up and pushing forward when it's be easier not to. Active love keeps us striving to please God even when it's hard.

Love conquerors all ... So let love be your reason behind all of your actions. 

💞

Quiet Love

I know this world is crazy, but my sister crocheted me a tiny Christmas tree for my desk at school to bring me a little joy, and it is my students most favorite thing to comment on. 

There are embarrassing moments, but a sweet man at church held the door for me so that I could carry my fit throwing 3 year old through it with only a gentle smile and an understanding glint in his eye.

There are a million things to fill out eyes and brains with, but my friend texts me scriptures to dwell on instead. 

My family has their own commitments, yet they are willing to drop or shuffle things to help me, and my daughters, every time. 

My husband works hard all day, but he often makes dinner so I don't have to when he knows my day has been long.

The music teacher at school has a ton going on in this crazy "covid year" of teaching, but she made room in her world to start Lydia on piano lessons. 

 

We all have  800 directions to go and things to do, but my coworkers consistently offer me coffee and a copy of a neat project they found and thought worth sharing. 

There are hardships and bummers, but my Facebook news feed is full of stories of people making "porch drops" of goodies for friends who are quarantined. 

The world may be full of craziness and unsettled times, but it's also full of new ways, and renewed efforts to stay connected. It's full of people taking care of other people. 

So, this Thanksgiving week, I'm extra thankful for all the people just quietly loving on those around them. Even when it feels unnoticed or taken for granted ... It's not. It's difference making. It's powerful. It's building our world up every time. 

 

Water Droplets

I've always loved Rainbows. What's not to love? However, aside from seeing them as a beautiful display of God's wonder and promise, I can't say I've ever given them a ton of thought. 

Until.

Saturday the girls and I were on our way home when we saw the most beautiful rainbow. It's the most vibrant one I remeber seeing and the picture I pulled over to take does not do it justice. 

It was actually a double rainbow - a beautifully vibrant and complete rainbow with a barely visible, larger rainbow above it. The girls sat and just stared at it for as long as I was pulled off the road. And, in true drama fashion, Raina cried when we turned away from it and she couldn't see it anymore, and Lydia had 18billion questions.

And, so, when we got home, we looked up rainbows. 

.               (https://scijinks.gov/rainbow/)

I guess I've known for a long time what "made" a rainbow, but somehow, looking at the explanation with Lydia, I noticed something different. 

You see, I've often seen quotes about being a rainbow of hope for people ... Spreading joy, all that. And I want to do that. BUT some days, let's face it, "be a rainbow" may feel like an awfully big task. 

So, here's the good news: I don't actually need to be the rainbow. Instead, I simply need to be the water droplet. 

You see, God's light shines. Regardless of me. Despite me. Inspite of me. But if I can act as a water droplet ... If I can let His light come through me and reflect out in beautiful, eye catching colors ... Well, then maybe I can do my part to help spread the light of God. 

I don't have to be the whole rainbow. I shouldn't even try to be the rainbow. God just needs me to be a water droplet for His light to find. 

Religion and Politics

I have a rule about not posting on overly controversial topics. I think that's still intact after writing this one.

Here's the deal: There is, thankfully, a separation of religion and politics. It's set up that way in the Bible (My. 22:21 - render to Ceaser the things which are Ceaser's and to God the things which are God's) and our country's founding fathers maintained this idea as they wrote the documents that govern our nation. 

I'm also, quite certain, we can be both excellent citizens of God's kingdom AND excellent citizens of our earthly country. Infact, I am quite certain we are expected to be both. 

And so, while I do back the separation of church and state, because my religion impacts every aspect of my life, if also impacts my politics. 

And here's how:

- I pray for our leaders because the Bible let's me know that's what I should do. (1 Timothy 2:1-2) ....but we all know prayer is deeper than words. Prayer is an attitude, a coming to God. And people, we can't pray for someone in authority and then turn around and say terrible, slanderous things about them. It simply doesn't work that way. 

- I respect our leaders because the Bible let's me know that's what I should do. (1 Peter 2:17) Respecting a person does not mean I agree with 100% of decisions made my a person. It doesn't mean I won't stand up against an idea, philosophy, or policy. However, respect does govern the WAY I make that stand. It tempers my words and my tone of voice. It stops me from reposting a meme or a degrading comment. 

- I search for the truth because the Bible let's me know that's what I should do. (Exodus 23:1 "You must not pass along false rumors ...".) There is a "say what I want" mentality in our society that has infiltrated the best of us. Guys. I don't believe it's okay. I should not say merely what I heard, or feel, or even think about another person or situation. I need to spread the truth. Not just the gospel truth, but also the truth about each situation or person I feel the need to all about. So, PLEASE "fact check" me. If I say something, share something, post something, help me make sure I am sharing real information. I do not want to spread lies or gossip or misinformation. 

- I pray about every decision I make because the Bible let's me know that's what I should do. (James 1:5 - If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God...). How to vote? Who to vote for? What to speak up in support of? What to stand against and how to make that stand? Those all have to be prayerfuly made decisions, because I don't have all that wisdom on my own account. 

-I follow God first, because the Bible let's me know that's what I should do. (Acts 5:29, Galatians 1:10). If you ask me what I "am" I will not first think to tell you my political affiliation. I am not, first, a republican, democrat, libertarian, or any other party member. I am, first and foremost, a Christian. And that fact changes the way I look at politics and politicians, talk about politics and politicians, and the lense that I look through when viewing them as well. 

Letting Go

Today - like just about every day - there were approximately 801 interruptions and/or things I needed to take care of. Some of those things got handled today. Some, well ... didn't. 

I am NOT a person who likes to leave things, or people, hanging. Quite the opposite, infact. I prefer my lessons planned out 3 weeks in advanced, my email inbox empty, or at least sorted and saved, and all of my responsibilities filled a day or two early. 

But that doesn't always happen. In fact, in todays current chaos, it happens less than I'd like. 

And that is enough to completely stress out an anti-procrastinator such as myself. 

And, so, I'm working on letting go. Not a lot, and certainly not on letting go of the actual completing of responsibilities - I don't want to go crazy here - but when it comes to those things I truly can't fix or take care of *right now*, I'm working on letting go of the stress and self imposed guilt. 

The "letting go" looks different in each situation. 

-- Usually it looks like sticky notes, reminders, and lists. If I can't deal with it right now, you can bet it's on my to do list, you know, the list with arrows pointing to sublists. That's keeps me organized. If I need to take care of it later, I set an alarm or reminder in my phone ... Because if show and tell is remebered Friday morning as we leave instead of laid out Thurs night, that's harder. Those things keep me going. They are my assurance that "not done yet" doesn't mean "forgotten about".

-- Sometimes, and maybe increasingly much, letting go looks like practiced responses such as: "Yes, that is on my list of things to get to as quickly as possible. Thank you for your patience." This is a way I can remind myself and others it's okay that I am working hard, getting to things, and also get to have a life and priorities.

-- Sometimes, it looks like apologies... "I'm sorry I've wasnt able to for see this problem. Let's think about how we can work around it." This helps me because it takes away the guilt I sometimes impose on myself. Goodness knows I cannot actually foresee all problems that might arise ... And that's actually quite okay.

-- Sometimes it looks like a text "I'm not going to make it by for milk today - can you grab some?" I am so thankful for a husband who gets this and will pick up the milk and maybe cook dinner, too. He, and our extended support system are the reason the girls and I are able to keep going. I'd you don't have a support system ... You've got to get you one. Reach out so I can help you find yours.

-- Sometimes it looks like turning off the TV and reminding myself what I can control and what I can't - how I can impact my piece of the world and hope that spreads but cannot fix "it all". Priorities come into play here. I will gladly pray for the world sproblems - but I have to find the practical and manigible ways that I can work to fix problems I can have a hand in fixing, starting in my own little corner.

-- Frequently, it looks like straight up fails and flops because Im a long way from figuring all the chaos out. It looks like nail biting. It looks like tension headaches. It looks whiny or "snappy". 

-- And, therefore, the letting go always looks like prayer. So. Much. Prayer. To help me let go. To help me find which things I need to prioritize. To find peace with situations I cannot fix. For help withy timing and my speech. Prayer, because letting go isn't a natural thing for me - but handing it over the worry to God is something I can definitely get on board with.