Be Where Your Feet Are

"Focus Kate" I told myself. "Be present". 

There was a decision that feels big circling round in my head, a couple of friends weighing on my heart, a new report card and way to import grades consuming my mind, at least 3 emails that desperately needed responses, a text from a fellow teacher with a question they were hoping I'd answer quickly, and 18 kids looking at me waiting for class to start.

Its moments like those that are hard ... When there are a million paperwork-y, secretarial, behind the scenes parts of teaching that need my attention ... And a classroom full of kids who need it more. 

So, I chose a student leader to kick off class with good news. While they finished, I fired off a text with a plan I hoped would get my teacher friend's problem solved enough she could keep going with her day. I picked up the read aloud book and walked to the carpet. I looked at my feet for a moment to ground myself,took a deep breath, and started read aloud time. 

You see, I read a book a whole back called "Be Where Your Feet Are". It's all about being focuses and present in the moment so that you can take care of the job at hand. And thank goodness it came to mind today. 

In teaching, but also in the world and life in general, there are usually a million and three things on our minds. We all have more jobs than we can count. But the most important one HAS to be the one at hand. For me, today, it was my classroom full of kids. 

The decision weighing on me? It's one my team and I will process and make together. The paper work,emails, and grading card changes? They patiently waited on my desk until lunch time and then again paused patiently until after school. But those kids in front of me? They needed their teachers full attention in the moment. And so that's where my focus needed to be. 

I like things to be done and decided and wrapped up in neat little bows. I can multitask with the best of them. But I've learned that most of the time the best way to get things done well is to tackle them one at a time - starting with what is right infront of me. 

"Be where your feet are" has become a mantra repeated in my head that helps keeps my priorities and my focus in check. It doesn't rule out all multitasking (mom and teacher means multitasking is a necessity to say the least). But it does help remind me that I can't take on everything at once. I have to move through things patiently and give each thing - especially the "things" that happen to be my personal and school kiddos - the focus and attention it deserves when I'm working on it even if that means other things have to simply wait. After all, they'll get their turn when they are the thing in front of me. 

It isnt always easy (today it was straight up hard), but once I've fought through the fog and found my focus, its always way less stressful (and things always work out better when I'm able) to truly be in the same place my feet are in. 

Even During A Week Like This

This week has been full of three of the Mondayest days ever. I don't know exacy how that's possible, but trust me, it is. It's been long, it's been real, it's been exhausting ... And the week isn't over yet.

Its days like these that make getting out at 7:00 in the evening HARD. And sometimes - ahem, tonight - it's tempting to just stay in.

But then I remeber: I've never been sorry I went to church.

I've been exhausted enough to think about not going. I've been stressed and busy enough to think of other ways to use the time. I've been plum "mmmooommmmyyyy-ed out" enough I'd rather put the girls to bed and have quiet time rather than wrangle them more...

But even on those hardest to get out the door evenings, I've never been sorry that we pushed through.

Many times I've left rejuvenated by a good lesson. Often I've left greatful for a bit of good conversation and extra love. Usually, I leave with my priorities rebalanced and my head a little clearer. Always I'm glad I was there. 

There is something about being with 'my people' and worshiping God together that is simply wonderful. There is no substitute for it - even during a week that has felt 18 weeks long. Especially on a week that has felt 18 weeks long. 

How thankful am I for a place to gather, people to learn, worship, and love with, the chance to visit with friends, and a midweek reminder of all the good surrounding me.

Some Dropped Balls Bounce

Today, I dropped the ball. I forgot it was show and telland therefore, L went to school show and tell less. 

We'd made a plan of what to take on the way home last night.i even knew right where the thing she wanted was. But as so often happens, we walked in the door, and life happened. It was snacks and jammies and bedtime, and show and tell flew right out of my brain. 

I say "I" dropped the ball, because even though I tell her things like "You'll have to put it in your backpack" and "It's your job to make sure...." I really mean "we" and "our" because this girl of mine is 5 and figuring out how to be a school age kiddo is a thing we're in together. 

And so, when I remembered towards the end of the day, I held my breath and thought "I hope she saves the meltdown for me and doesn't share it with her teacher". And then, after school, I saw her .... And she didn't even mention it.

Free pass? No such luck.

Later while playing Legos it came out:"Mom! You forgot show and tell. It's every Friday and you forgot." ...."Yes, we forgot" I corrected "We didn't get it put in your backpack this morning,did we. I'm sorry that happened."

She looked at me ... She added some more Legos to her creation ...and she sighed "Well, let's try to remeber next week okay? 'Cause I like show and tell."

And that was it. Not the first,most important thing she remembered from the day ... No scarring childhood drama ...just a mildly insulting moment with a little disappointment. 

Thank goodness this dropped ball seems to have been made out of rubber instead of glass. Thank goodness children are (mostly) understanding little people filled with grace. Thank goodness she is usually able to breath through and move on. Because goodness knows it won't be the last time I (or we) drop a ball. Goodness knows it won't be the last time she's disappointed. 

And though sometimes the fact that she's realizing Momma isn't perfect comes with comments like "Mom, Dad really drives the trick better than you do." and "Well *my teacher* says it this way...", I sure am glad that she's starting to grasp that she and I need each other I this wild ride of life. I have a feeling she's going to keep being an increasingly awesome chaos survival teammate.

The Prayer Of A Child

My girls are always inspiring me to be more and better. Lately I've been loving listening to them (and Emma and Connor) pray. And, oh, how I'm striving to pray like a child. 

To be excited enough to exclaim "I want to!" evey time praying is mentioned.

To always pray for the things I'm thankful for such as "my daddy got off work" and "everyone feels better now" and sometimes even "Thankyou for my Nana, Papa, Mommy, Daddy, Grandma Betty, Grandpa Pail, Grandma Pat etc....". 

To always be bettering my prayers by paying attention to those around me who pray and the Godly things that are talked about and incorporate them into my prayers as I grow.

And, to always pray, even when I don't know  exactly what to say. Because goodness knows the simple statement of "help my friends and help our days" is as powerful an utterance as anything I can think to say. 

Transition Woes

Sometimes ... Okay, all toooo often, I feel like we're living life in constant "hurry up" mode. Hurry up and finish eating. Hurry up and get dressed. Pick up your toys, quickly please! And, for goodness sake, just get in the car!

What I'm learning, finally (guess I'm a slow learner), is that rushing rarely gets us anywhere quicker. Turns out my little people don't "hurry up" very well. Hurry up = dropping things and then having to stop and pick them up. Hurry up = frustration because "I can't do it" and "it won't buckle" and "I wanted to do it myself!". Hurry up = tears and grumpy starts instead of peace. 

And that falls on me. 

Sometimes ... Okay, all toooo often, I forget the power my Momma self has in setting the mood of our house. 

I am good at slowing down and enjoying the moment ... Except in transition times. I like a smooth, easy, time efficient transition. But, as it turns out, transitions are HARD and a graceful one is a skill that has to be nurtured. Nurtured ... Not rushed. 

For my little people it means a call for "everybody choose your last thing on the playground" a few minutes before "go time" gets us to the car a lot faster than a yelled "I said it's time to go, now!" And for my opnionates 😳 fashionistas it means sometimes offering two shirt choices so they can decide. A lot of times it means Momma takes a deep breath while they practice buckling themselves when my first impulse is just to do it for them - because a fit over lost independence slows us down and independent bucklers (eventually) speeds us up. 

Most of the time it requires a mind shift on my part. A shift of starting a few minutes earlier than I thought "a few minutes early" meant. A shift from "I can't be late" to "Let's do this so that we can be on time and happy". It means I have to take a step back from my rushed mindset and instead making up my mind to calmly move us toward the goal.

Oh, I'm not saying I give in always ... There are plenty of "we don't have time to do that now"s and multiple "This time mommy has to buckle you fast, next time you can do it by yourself." And goodness knows I'll probably always be telling them "we need to move a little quicker" every now and then. 

But at the end of the day, there is nowhere we go that is more important than how we get there, and I'd always rather show up on the dot and with a happy peaceful family than early with a grumpy frazzled one. 

Thankful For A Known Heart

 Last night Raina was up from 11:30 pm - 4 am. 

Here is a list of things she wanted:

     - yogurt

     - juice, but not in that cup

     - chocolate milk

     -  bandaid

     -  a different bandaid

     - for me to stand up to hold her

     -  a song, but definitely not that song

     - to go outside

     - NOT to take medicine

     - NOT to have anti-itch cream put on her feet t         that were itching

     - pretty much anything else slightly irrational

She was uncomfortable. Incredibly. Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease will do that to you (poor girl) and she simply didn't have the words to tell me the things that were bothering her. So, she strove to find comfort the way she knew how ... by crying and screaming asking for anything she thought of that might make her feel better.

She was difficult because she didn't even know what she wanted or needed. We were trying to figure that out together.

It was frustrating to not know what she truly needed and I felt helpless (and also really, really, sleepy) as I tried to provide her with some comfort and rest.

As I started to get frustrated with all of her demands that weren't actually what she needed (the outside cat did NOT need to come eat yogurt with her. For real.), it made me think of how many times I have been upset about something that wasn't actually what I was upset about - like just yesterday morning when I'd been short with Rob for no good reason because I was frustrated about something else. AND all the times I have wanted someone to fix something, or help me with something, but had no idea what I even needed to ask for. Thank goodness God doesn't get frustrated and short tempered with me.

How thankful am I for a God who knows my heart, and what I need, even when I don't (Mt. 6:8 - "...for your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him.") and for the ability to go to Him in prayer at any time - even at times when all I can pray for is peace and strength because I can't specifically identify the "rest" of what I need. 

Raina did eventually doze (somewhat restlessly) from 4-7 after medicine (and exhaustion) won out, and she seems much better and more settled this morning and is back to happily torturing her cat I let her bring inside for a little while.

So, this morning I am extra thankful for answer prayers and a patient God who understands my heart.

In My Own Head

The transition back to school is always exhausting. By 4:00 pm the first day my legs ached and I couldn't get to bed fasts enough that night. Thankfully our bodies are made for adjustments and I fairly quickly pass through the physical exhaustion stage of the back to school adjustment. 

But the mental adjustment? It's. The. Worst. 

Sometimes referred to as "the mental work load", all the thoughts swirling in my head have the potential to drive me ... Well, out of my mind. 

There are suddenly (I mean, I knew it was coming ... But still...) 18 billion things I need to remember. Just today I was finishing up lesson plans. Lesson planning always comes with mental notes of how I can modify things for students who will struggle ... And trying to anticipate what the struggles could be for students I barely know at this point in the year. Since these lesson plans are for week 4 (to keep up with our "plan 2 weeks ahead" rule) I also needed to review (and hold in my head) lesson plans for this coming week (week 2). During this review I realized Id neglected to read something I need to for tomorrow night's meeting, so I printed it (because I'm tired of my computer screen). 

While it's printing I started a load of laundry so everyone would have clean clothes ... And since now Raina would have the pair of shorts she wanted to wear, I was able to lay out the girls clothes for the week. Meanwhile, Lydia informed me she would really not like to eat the school lunch tomorrow, so I stopped to pack lunches. That, of course, led to grocery store list additions because I always worry about not having enough to put in her lunch (that she'll eat). AND wondering if I have enough snacks/drinks in my classroom for Lydia's breakfasts and after school snacks.

Somewhere along the way I washed a few dishes, cleared the dining room table, fed our animals, and stopped to redirect and play with the girls a few times. The girls are restless and tired which leads to guilt driven feelings of "I'm working to much - need to stop to interact". 

Today, plans also needed finalized on who/how Lydia is heading out with tomorrow after school since I have a meeting and we had a search party for Raina's doll. I'm still deciding if I need help getting Raina picked up on time another day this week when I have a hair appointment (that I'll hopefully remeber to go to).

There's also thoughts of: Is the Church bag ready with the girls notebooks inside? Did I need to replinish their stickers? Is my Bible class lesson ready for Wednesday night? Did I need to pick up new glue sticks for that? Do I need to put something else quiet in since the girls will be extra tired?

I do not at all mind the actual "doing" of all (or any?) of the things. It is the REMEMBERING. The remembering to have it all together for myself so that I can focus and function and show up prepared to things. It is the remembering to have everything for the girls so they can focus and function happily. Thank goodness Rob does most of his own remembering, but even so, part of my brain is trying to remeber what he has coming up so that I can anticipate his needs or at least remeber to ask him about it later in our attempts at adult conversation. 

None of it's necessarily bad. Furthermore, it DOES settle, at least somewhat,  (let's say, the 2nd month of school?). But people, it's exhausting. 

When a teacher (or any other working anyone 🤷🏼‍♀️) says their tired (especially if that teacher is also a mom) it's not from physically working. Teaching is fun! It's from all the remembering and analyzing and anticipating. It's from all the thought and all the worries.

I'm not even complaining ... More like, acknowledgeing. It's real. We feel it. I feel it. Be aware of it - especially the fact that other people you love are probably dealing with it. 

It's the mental workload. And it's exhausting.