The Elder

I try to pray for our leaders all the time, but situations such as our world's current one has me praying extra intentionally for leaders everywhere. From governmental leaders to school leaders, they all need our prayers. Prayers for the wisdom to figure out the right, best things and then make them happen. Today being Sunday had me praying extra hard for church leaders everywhere who are trying to help guide their flocks the best way they can amongst the unknown. 

The Elder

He bows his head in silence

And tries to still the thousand thoughts

All the voices and opinions

That are jarring for their spot

He weighs out all the options

Trying hard to see

Where the line between the many

"Need to do"s might be

Striving to be a leader

Who finds the way that's true

To all the big important beliefs

For himself, but also you

And he understands your doubtings

He realizes all your fears

Of doing not enough or way to much

He's been balancing for years

So he hears out your side of things

And then several people more

He reads the laws, both Gods and man's,

And knows all that he's fighting for

Then he bows his head in silence

Praying for the right words

To share whats been decided

To the flock he helps shepherd

And through the weight of the not knowing

Navigating of waters new

He prays to feel and spread the peace of God

And share the zeal for worship too.

All That Is Gold Doesn't Glitter

Ready or not, for worse or for better, most of us have a bit of extra time on our hands right now. Time with our spouses, time with our children, time with our home, and time with ourselves. As I strove this week to create spring break memories that involved our own back yard (and some borrowed family woods), each other, our home, and lots of play time,  I was reminded of this quote from The Fellowship Of The Ring:

 “All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost.”

This week, and in the ones to come where I am being blessed with extra time with my girls, I pray that I can help them see the wonderful golden moments that don't always glitter and shine. That I can allow them - and help them - wonder and wander their way to new and exciting findings. That I can remind them of the beauty and strength in our tried and true loves, traditions, and family. And, that I can help cultivate for them, with them, and in them, a deep root system of love and family and God. 

There's nothing glittery about all the mud we've tracked in the house, but we've had many golden moments finding the mud. 

My forest guide has done a lot of wandering but always found the way back to the house (and the amount of a 5 year olds wonders  is real too 😳).

We're loving on each other and making good ole' fashioned family fun memories. 

And the root system? Well, I'd say it's growing stronger by the day.

Designing Joyful Spaces

I am not a decorator by the furthest stretch of the imagination, but I've recently set on a mission to create some peaceful spots around my house. I do not mind that a large portion of our rooms are "kidified" but I needed some adult spaces - some spaces where I can look to refresh myself. Having always loved quotes, I fell in love with this chalkboard. The front view reminds me to hold on to my joy for it comes from the Lord ... And the back reminds me of whatever I decide it needs to ... This week that is to practice patience, because, well, kids. 😉

Being home full time is a mental adjustment I make each summer (and now, for these 3 weeks+). I love my girls and am thankful for extra moments and memories with them, but we all have to adjust to decreased social interaction and a change in routine. Lydia misses school, her friends, and her teacher. Raina is potty training and the girls are learning how to play with each other in this new stage (5 and 2 year olds play somewhat differently....) Apparently, I had forgotten how many messes and dirty dishes can be created in a full day at home. The mud + dogs + kids + outside animals = a constant sweeping of floors. None of it is bad in any way - but it IS a change from our norm. With change and adjustment comes a need for patience and a need for reminders of joy.♥️

Last week we were a bit emotional and floundering. We lacked routine and it wasn't pretty. This week the girls may still rock their pajamas more than usual, but we are finding our joy deeper from the Lord and embracing one another and our extra time. 

Psalm 28:7 - "The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him."

Today

The day was cold and dreary,
Snow came flurrying down,
The fog was thick and freezing,
...It was beautiful anyhow.

The wind was blowing fiercely,
The clouds were full of rain,
Thunder boomed, lightening flashed
...it was beautiful anyway.

The morning came much to early,
Work was tiring and things went wrong,
A busy me rushed here and there,
...it was beautiful all along.

The heater was nice and toasty,
Many smiles warmed my heart,
Laughter was loud and plentiful,
Yes, it was beautiful from the start.

The sun shone through the clouds some,
Enough to make us squint,
Gleaming the promise of warmer days,
Yes, we found the beauty in it.

The morning found us healthy,
Ready to serve another day,
A peaceful me played and enjoyed,
Another beautiful day.

For this is the day the Lord hath made,
Less us be glad and rejoice...
With thanks and hope and gladness,
For beauty is a choice.

Psalms 118:24 - "For this is the day that the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it."

Prioritizing: More God

The other day I was talking *priorities* with a friend. As we discussed motherhood and family and God and careers and laundry, we kept coming back to the fact that it is hard - I mean, HARD - to keep priorities straight and in line all the time.

It's easy to *name* my priorities in the right order. My list is usually unarguable. However, the way I spend my time doesn't always support (or even relatively match) the order I listed things in.

As a working Momma I'm sure you can guess that I often find taking care of my girls, our family, my house (and all that goes along with a house), and my job often vying for their spot on the list. Unfortunately, at times they are all even vying for first place on the list.

It is my constant resolution to have "more God". More worship. More study. More quiet, contemplative moments. More prayer. More service.

That isn't changing (in fact, it will likely remain my constant resolution, because, let's be honest, I will never reach a point where I've fully reached that goal).

However, I had a "revelation" as I thought back on our conversation.

I live a beautifully busy life. I *DO* need to aim for "more God" by setting aside time for my own growth and relationship with Him. However, I also need to focus on "more God" by placing him as a priority IN each other aspect of my life, instead of as a separate item on my list.

I need "more God" in my marriage. We aim for a God centered marriage - I aim to be a Godly wife - and those things take work. Sometimes it's a prayer for patience or guidance for a situation we share together. Sometimes it's a prayer for patience on our own (ha). Often it's a prayer of thankfulness or a prayer for an open heart and eyes to see the ways I need to be his helpmeet so we can both do better. My marriage isn't separate form God - He is the focus of it.

I need "more God" as I play with my girls. As I teach them. As I take care of them. He needs to be our priority, not just mine ... And goodness knows I need Him to help me be the Momma I want to be! As the girls go through stages I find myself praying for guidance and wisdom. They bring out my prayers for guidance and strength more than anything else I've ever done. My "Momma-hood" is far from separate from God ... It is dependent on Him!

I need "more God" in our home. I need a Godly attitude when doing the laundry and dishes. I need more thankfulness as I go about my "daily duties". I need scriptures written on the bathroom mirror to remind me of the attitude I want to have as I go through my day. I need to sing songs of praise as I fold the laundry. I strive to have a house I can always welcome anyone into - and pray often to get myself together and truly open my home to others. Keeping my house isn't *separate* from God - it needs to be *for* God.

I need *more God* in my job. I have contact with so many people during the day - and I don't always make proper use of that contact. I strive to reach out to others with patience and kindness and a boost of love whenever I can - but I kiss opportunities and I fail to see needs. I pray often for help keeping my opinionated mouth shut and my heart open. I work towards a more God focused and more God reflective attitude. I do not hide my beliefs, faith, and morals, but I sometimes she away from chances to speak out about them ... And I need to do better at that. My job is not *separate* from God, it is a chance to let His light shine.

I *need* more God in my friendships. I often neglect my friendships ... I think because I view them as being "for me" and therefore something that I can set aside when our life is hectic and ai am taking care of my family. However, I am working on reaching out more for a lot of reasons. For my sanity and for others. I have wonderful people in my life and I want them to know I think they are wonderful. We need each other so that we can help one another grow and focus on God. The conversation prompting this post is proof. Friendship isn't *separate* from God, it is a gift from Him and a tool that can help me (and help me help others) for Him!

I think so much comes down to truly *living* a God centered life ... One with Him at the top of the list, but also truly in the center of everything else. Trying to separate God out, or compartmentalize Him, doesn't work. It leads to frustration, not enough time, and, more importantly, it leads to entire areas of my life I'm leaving God out of. What area of my world doesn't need my God? I cannot think of one.

So, while I will continue striving for more quite moments of study and personal growth ... I'm also going to focus on remembering God from moment to moment and looking for all the ways He needs to be right in the middle of all the things I do.

Whispers of Good

It seems our country (world?) has had a lot of bad things happen lately. As I as thinking about several of the current events on our world, our country, our town, this thought kept coming back to me: so often the bad is also the loud.

In my 4th grade classroom I sometimes catch kiddos doing something "bad". As you can imagine I am often able to catch them because when they do something "bad" they also get loud. Pick on a neighbor? They react. Throw a paper airplane? Someone giggles. Not paying attention? The whispered giggles give you away. Fighting? Loud. Mean words? Loud reactions.

It's sometimes harder for me to catch the good things. Because stopping to help their neighbor pick up a dropped pencil in quiet. Pointing to where we are in a book to a friend that lost their spot is silent. Doing their work? Soft. Holding the door for someone else? Silent.

Bad often shouts. Good often whispers.

School shootings. Assault charges. Abuse charges. Abortion debates. Murder. Theft. Bullying. Natural disasters. Threats. They are all loud. They catch attention. They demand attention. We talk about them. We dwell on them. We can't look away.

But just because there is bad doesn't mean their isn't good. It's just that good doesn't always proclaim itself.

Taking dinner to new neighbors. Helping out a friend. Holding the door for a stranger. Paying for someone's groceries. Donating to a good cause. Heading up a good cause. Looking out for children. Being there for those in need. Reaching out to others. Helping. Supporting. Praying. Doing. Being. A smile. A kind word. They are quiet. They are easily overlooked. They go without notice and seldom make the news. But they happen. And they count. They just whisper.

Today I watched a kiddo get left out. She was immediately upset. And she started to get loud. But before I even had a chance to react I saw 3 different kids from around my room notice her. And so I waited. And they - my 9&10 year olds - included her. And after the activity was over I said "hey! What did ya think of that?" And she said "I liked it! I liked that they helped me figure it out and worked with me."

She didn't remember the bad. She remembered the good.

I can't fix or stop the bad. But I can start out numbering the bad with good.

Bad things will still happen in my classroom. But I can teach my kiddos to respond and overcome that bad with good.

I can't protect my own kiddos from bad. But I can help them look for the good. And I can raise them to help be part of the good.

I don't necessarily want to down play the bad. It needs to be examined. To be thought about and discussed. But I  do want to amplify the good. To highlight it - spotlight it - hold a megaphone to it.

I may not be able to make the bad quieter ... But I can make the good louder.

#findthegood #bethegood #shoutoutthegood

This Stage

Tonight I wanted to go to church. It's my goal every Wednesday night. It hasn't happened in weeks.

Sunday evening I wanted to sit through the entire sermon AND listen. Instead I caught pieces of it ... And called only going out once a win.

Monday I meant to do laundry and spend some time with my hubby. Instead we passed girls back and forth and then I collapsed into bed.

My kids are awesome. I love my job. I have a huge support in my husband and our extended family. But this stage, oh this stage is hard.

This stage is a teething 4 month old and an emotional 3 year old. This stage is calming irrational fears like "I don't want any bears to get me!" And "I don't want the racoons to eat my friends like they did my chickens!". This stage is carrying a baby in one arm and making messy handprints with paint with the other hand.

This stage is saying "whisper" and "use your quiet voice" and "sit still" 72 times a church service. It's unspoken prayers of "please let the baby sleep for a while". It's a bedtime routine that takes 2 hours only to end in sad shouts of "you left me in my bed alone mommy!" as little feet stomp accross the house to my room at 1:00 AM. It's getting up 6 or 7 times a night and then dragging myself out of bed at 5 to get everyone out the door while running on way less sleep than I'd like. It's collapsing into my own bed (after my hubby wakes me up to tell me to get out of the 3 year olds bed to go to my own) all to aware of the jobs around my house that are left undone.

This stage is mountains of laundry and piles of baby toy clutter. It's balancing "that's enough time on your tablet" with " give me 2 more minutes of peace". Its showering quickly while at least one girl waits for me. It's a dog who just wants someone to throw his ball  or let him outside. It's staying in in the evenings to keep our colds to ourselves and keep ourselves able to keep going.

This stage is balancing a job I love and a mommy-hood that means the world to me, and often feeling I should be better at both. It's grading papers at home when I should be playing. It's pumping at school when I should be working. It's seldom knowing the right answers. It's forgetting silly things and losing my phone frequently because there is so much rolling around in my brain. It's struggling to prioritize and remember everything for everyone. It's eating out to much because grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning up often seem like a whole lot of time and work. This stage is constantly being reminded I do not have everything (or even very much!) all figured out.

This stage is exhausting and messy and sometimes hard. But oh, this stage is beautiful too.

Beautiful because I get to watch my husband be a daddy and be awesome at it. Beautiful because my girls grin at their Nana and hug on their cousins. Beautiful because my big one loves my little one and wants to hold her and sing to her. Beautiful because I get to read stories and sing silly songs. Beautiful becauese I get to do sooo much playing and dancing.

It's beautiful to be reminded of the awe in *everything* through a child's eyes. Beautiful to hear "I missed you Mommy, I love you." Beautiful to see my girls learning about God and hear Lydia repeat her adorable take on Bible stories. Beautiful watching Lydia make friends and to see her love for others. Beautiful Raina's baby smiles and fun baby "firsts".

Beautiful because I get to be a part of these tiny humans. I get to help them grow and learn and find God. Beautiful because it drives me to pray more and praise God more. It reminds me to be silly and constantly practices my patience. Beautiful because I'm reminded of all the help I have and all the people that have put in to me and are now putting into my girls. It's small parenting "wins" when we catch ourselves doing ssomething right. It's family time and memory making. It's a joyful kind of tired and the kind of crazy that leaves us counting our blessings. It's beautiful.

And so tonight I'll send my hubby to church, and I'll stay home. I'll hold a clingy, teething baby and play with/practice coping skills with a congested, emotional, overtired 3 year old. I may start a load of laundry .... But I may not. And either way, it's okay.

I'll hug my babies. I'll draw inspiration from the mom's who have proved this stage can be lived splendidly ... I'll lean on the momma's who are doing this stage with me ... And I'll remember to love *almost* every single minute of this stage.

Because this stage may be exhaustion times 20 and occasionally feeling so "needed" that I can't breath ... But it's also love times a million and, as I'm constantly reminded when Lydia says "when I'm big I will _____ all by myself!", this stage is fleetingly short.