Parents On The Bench

We went to watch a friend play basketball the other day, and I smiled at her dad helping coach the team. It brought back a lot of memories of my own dad coaching our teams - softball, basketball, baseball, and taking on any role he could to support us in our other activities such as choir and band. 

There is just something about parents on the bench. 

Parents who give their time to practice plans and practices and games.

Parents who give their energy to leading, to figuring out, to supporting. 

Parents who say the hard things, make the hard team decisions.

Parents who dig deep to find the patience with each player - and twice as much for their own. 

Parents who spend a whole lot of time figuring it out the right thing - and way - to address all the things.

Parents who, by necessity, develop thicker skin. 

Parents who create the spotlight moments and then quickly step out of the light. 

Parents lugging the equipment, helping with directions.

Parents with a word of encouragement and a lesson on sportsmanship.

Parents who give to their own kiddo, but also to so many more. 

Parents who are intentionally stepping out of their comfort zone. 

Parents who are just happy to get to be there. 

Parents who usually don't get enough credit. 

Parents whose kids don't quite realize what a blessing they're being given in the moment ... Oh, but later were thankful for them. 

Our parents on the bench. 

(clearly my technology and photo quality have improved 🤣)

Whispers

I think it's the noise in our own heads we have to fight the most. 

The noise that says maybe we aren't doing enough. Or maybe we don't even know what we're doing. 

The noise that says too much is being asked of us. Or maybe we're giving too much of us. 

The noise that says we're better than that. Or we should be better than that.

The noise that says we aren't good enough. Or maybe we'll never be good enough. 

The noise that says it's all too much. We can't keep up. 

The noise that says maybe we could do a little bit more. If maybe we just did it a little better. 

Sometimes we blame it on others and lash out: our bosses, our coworkers, our children, our spouses, our parents ... 

Sometimes we try to drown it out, each in our own ways: mindless shows, busy work, overcommitment, shopping ...

Sometimes we let it infuriate us. 

Sometimes we wallow in it. 

So how do we rise above the noise? How do we trun it down? Or drown it out?

I think, perhaps, we can only truly drown out the noise wih our own, very intentional, whispers. 

Whispered prayers to God to help us find the balance of enough and not too much. 

Whispered readings of scriptures that remind us we are not alone. 

Whispered reminders that what's important is what God thinks, not others. 

Whispers of encouragement to others that find their way back to us. 

Whispers of thanksgiving for the things, and people, we have. 

Whispers of praise for a God who is helping us handle it. 

Whispered reminders that remind us we are loved despite our imperfections. 

The noise of the world sneaks in. The quietness of our God can drive it out. 

Potential Awesomeness

Tonight I had the opportunity to go to our local high schools choir dinner - an event I very much enjoy! The kids, as usual, did spectacular with their solos and small group performances, and the choirs sounded amazing. 

My favorite part of any such event, however, is spotting "my kids" - those I had in my 4th grade class or shared the 4th grade hallways with - and being amazed at how far they've come. 

I am always in awe of the high schoolers. It takes guts to get up on stage and sing infront of a crowd. It takes confidence to play on a court or march on a  field infront of a whole lot of spectators. It takes courage to perform or act or speak in front of a  room full of onlookers. 

What's more, it takes dedication to prepare for those moments. It takes effort and passion and determination and time - so much time. It takes coachability and hours practicing. It takes sacrifice and putting you self out there. 

And it isn't always the kids "I would have guessed" who pull all of those pieces together.

Oh sure, sometimes by 4th grade I can speculate "Well, that kid is going to be an awesome _______ someday!" But other times? Other times the high schooler who belts out a solo was a quiet 4th grader and the basketball starter sat the bench a lot on the 4th grade team. Sometimes the stand out speaker didn't love the spotlight in 4th grade and the confident high schooler was a 4th grader who hadn't quite found their voice yet. 

Those kids remind me of how important it is to see the possible potential in each student ... And how much more important it is to help each student see that there is potential in themselves. 

It's fun to encourage the passion of a 4th grader whose already found it. It's even more fun to help them find that they may have more than one passion. And oh my goodness, how rewarding to help the student who hasn't found an passion yet realize that there is one out there for them, too. 

Each kiddo that crosses my path has endless possibilities ahead of them. They will shine a million different ways, and it is a special thing when I get to catch a glimpse. 

May we always see the potential for greatness in each kiddo, and help them see it too .... For when they find it and persue it, how wonderful for all!

Somebody's Veteran

This year I had the privilege to help pull together a Veterans Day celebration for our elementary school. We had stations all over the gym ran by some of our student leaders for the other kids to enjoy. Everything form thank you cards to trivia to craft projects were present, but also present were some very kind soldiers from a nearby Fort. They had driven down to spend their day with us, with our kids ... and it was awesome. ALL of the students enjoyed seeing the soldiers, visiting with, and interacting with the soldiers. However, the Junior Beta students who spent the entire day in the gym got a few extra minutes in between the groups of visitors.

I very much enjoyed watching the soldiers visit with our kids. One taught them about the fallen soldier memorial we had set up in the gym. One quizzed them on the American flag facts at the flag trivia station. Several colored thank you cards for veterans while they visited with our kids. 

And, when I took the kids outside for a 10 min recess (because being big kid helpers all day is just flat out exhausting), every single soldier came outside to play with the kids. 

As much as I enjoyed watching the kids interact with the soldiers inside the gym, *oh my heart * when those kids excitedly begged the soldiers to play basketball with them. Everyone laughed and smiled and enjoyed that 10 minute pick up game.

I know for a fact that when the kids went home and were sharing about their day "the soldiers played basketball with us" was one of the first things mentioned ... because I'd had a front row seat to the whole thing and the kids still made sure to tell me at least 10 times. ;)

A simple game of basketball shouldn't be that big of a deal - but the kids were so amazed that it had happened. 

I think sometimes we throw the world "soldier" around in such a way that makes it seem like a separate species to kids. Actually, I wouldn't argue - I'd say soldier does require a special species of people. But what my kids got to see this Veterans Day is that soldiers are just people. People who even play basketball.

Later this year when I teach them about the American Revolution, I will spend a lot of breath remind them that all of the soldiers who fought - on both sides - were just people. People who would have played basketball with them. Each year as they learn about different wars, as they grow and understand more about these wars in our history and the current issues of our world, I hope they can remember these soldiers who were just so kind to them, so *real* to them. These soldiers who were real people.

When we came in from that short recess and a few of my students were headed back to class, one of the sweet kiddos said "Ya know, Mrs. Moreland, I liked talking to those soldiers today. I never really thought about how they are all just regular somebodies. And they were good at ball too!"

All just regular somebodies.

Somebody's daughter, somebody's son. Somebody's brother or sister. Somebody's dad. Somebody's mom. Somebody's precious grand-somebody. Somebody's friend.

Somebodies who signed up for a job that requires them to give so much of themselves every day and live ready to give all of themselves. Somebodies whose career takes them away from family, away from their comfort zones (and even all traces of comfort at times). Somebodies who are willing to do that for the rest of us somebodies who are here at home. 

Somebodies who are real heroes on the daily.

But, yes, just regular somebodies.

And I sure hope that as these kids grow, as they learn more and understand more, as they get to vote on things that impact our country and our soldiers, they always remember these awesome soldier "somebodies' who in that moment they realized were just regular people, just making the choice to be awesome every day.

Thank you to all the somebodies who took on the soldier's pledge. Who served, or are serving, our country. Thank you to all of the somebody's somebodies who are heroes on the daily for the rest of us.

An Action Word

This week has been nuts, and as I finally found time to look at my daily quote calendar today , it was the perfect reminder of the thoughts I'd written down after a Bible class a couple of weeks ago. 

Seek is an action word. 

Getting caught up in the world, in the busy, in the negative .... All that seems to happen passively. 

It doesn't take much action for me to grumble about the hard stuff, to dwell on the stress, and to wallow in the problems. 

It's finding the solutions that takes action. 

It's searching out the good - rainbows and stars - that takes effort.

It's finding ways to cope, prioritize, and move through the stressful times that takes focus. 

And, it's certainly drawing closer to God through this crazy world that requires a dedicated seeker. 

So here's to putting seek into action. 

Seek out the good in people and in situations. Seek out the solutions, and the ways to help. Seek out Heaven, and God, and time to study and draw closer to Him. 

Seek is an action word - so take action. 

When Cheering Doesn't Feel Like Cheering

A week or two ago I had to say no to my kiddos request to join a group that a lot of her friends are in because they meet at the same time that we go to church. 

They only meet once a month. I could have excused it. I could have made excuses for it. 

A few months ago she wanted to participate in an activity we said no to. It would have been innocent and fine at the level she was at as a 7 year old. It probably would have been cute even. 

But, as much as it is hard to say no to her sometimes ... A lot of the times .... Rob and I constantly remind ourselves that the girls' "in the moment" happiness is not actually our end goal.

Oh, their in the moment happiness is important to us. So, SO important to us. 

But our end goal is their *long term* happiness. And their long term salvation. 

And the "in the moment" happiness does not always guarantee that long term goal. Sometimes it works against it. 

So, instead of saying "we can miss church this time" I remind myself I have to help her understand how important it is to put God first. I have to help her understand at her level now so that she can learn and understand on her own, deeper level later.

And instead of saying "you can do that dance now while you're little but not when you're bigger.", I try to help her understand how important modesty is. I have to help guide her heart now, so that she can study and understand on her own, later. 

I may have realized one of the hardest parts about being a parent: I so desperately want my kids to know that I am their biggest cheerleader and always will be.  Infact, I will ALWAYS be cheering them on. But my cheering may not always *feel* like cheering to them. 

I want to cheer them on in what they enjoy. In what they are good at. I also want to cheer them on in what they are struggling with. In what they are attempting to learn. In what they are interest in taking on.

But even more than that, I want to cheer them on in their growth towards being awesome people. I want to cheer them on in their growth towards God. And I want to cheer them on in their journey to Heaven. 

Those long term goals have already started, even though they are young. And they'll continue to be my long term goals through much trying decisions than my girls are at now. 

And, so, sometimes I will have to look past the short term goal of "make them happy" in order to focus on the long term goal of "help lead them to Christ." 

And even harder ... I have to toe the line of balance. Make my decisions in a way they can accept. Explain the reasons in a way they can hear and understand.

Figure out the right choice when there isn't an easy one. 

And sometimes, many times even, I am going to have to love my girls enough to tell them no.

I have a feeling lots of people will love my girls enough to want to see, and even help make, them happy in the moment.

But that short term happiness doesn't always lead towards a happy end. 

It may be up to me to love them enough to tell them the hard truths. To say no when it isn't what they want to hear.

To love them enough to cheer them to the long term goal even when in the short term it doesn't feel like cheering to them 

Because "no, I don't think we should...." Never feels like cheering when you hear it. But sometimes, in hindsight, we realize that the people who questioned our decisions and pushed us towards better ones were actually cheering us on the loudest of all. 

Short Answer. Long Answer.

Today I had an interesting conversation with some colleagues that led to an interesting question being asked: "How can we have a collaborative culture in our building if teams aren't allowed to try things?" 

I've been thinking about that question ever since the conversation ended. Which was probably *exactly* the askers intention. 

And well the short answer is .... We can't. 

But the long answer is much more complicated. 

We can't have a collaborative culture if teams, and individuals, and well, people in general, aren't allowed to try things. 

But we also can't have a collaborative culture if people aren't allowed to disagree. 

Collaboration doesn't magically happen. It takes a whole lot of work - which anyone working on or working to help build a collaborative team already knows. 

The thing none of us (or at least no sane people) *love* is that part of that work towards building a collaborative team is incredibly uncomfortable. 

Some of that hard work IS disagreeing. And then working through that disagreeance. 

99% of decisions made in a school setting - and dare I assume any workplace setting - are going to involve some amount of disagreement. It's just part of the process because we are all human and we all have different opinions and approaches. 

And so, in workplaces, we generally see two methods used. 

Sometimes top down decisions are made. People may grumble. But good workers do the job (of course, within reason). Sometimes I really truly acknowledge and believe that this has to happen for the best interest of all. 

Other times decisions are collaborative team decisions. Someone brings up an idea or highlights a problem. People work together to hash out the best move forward. This often requires disagreement, explanations, considerations, discussions, and ultimately often requires compromise. Sometimes even a "disagree and committ" stance must be taken when a full compromise cannot be made. 

But sometimes there is a third scenario. It may be more unique to education or any work place where there are multiple sub-teams functioning somewhat separately but yet working towards the same whole-team goal.

Sometimes a decision must be made collaboratively within a sub-team that mostly effects that team, but has a ripple effect to the other parts of the greater team. 

And that can be the hardest part of collaboration of all. If you are not on the sub-team working on the decision, this comes across as a "top down" decision because you were not part of the collaboration. Yet, you may *know* it was a collaborative decision - your piece just wasn't part of the collaboration. This creates a somewhat uncomfortable dynamic.

On teams that are so used to making those collaborative decisions, people may not know exactly where to go with their thoughts on these decisions. 

Do they grumble quietly? Do they speak up vocally as if the decision hasn't been made? Do they just keep their mouth shut because it isn't their sub-team? But what if they feel very personally invested because they very much buy into the idea of the larger team aspect?

It's tricky. And sometimes it feels like people are just being disagreeable. 

To be fair, maybe sometimes they are. 

But maybe sometimes disagreements voiced arent a sign that you don't have a collaborative culture. Maybe sometimes it's that you've done a good enough job developing a collaborative culture that people are used to getting to voice their piece. Used to getting the opportunity to talk through things. Maybe sometimes it's a sign that you have sub-teams that are fully invested in the larger team. 

And, so, we can explain the other side to them. Or sometimes we might just tell them "On this one, we have to defer to this sub-team." 

So my long answer is: We can't have a collaborative culture if people aren't allow to try things. It is wonderful to have a  collaborative culture where people are able to voice disagreements, concerns, and other opinions in a place where they will be taken seriously and talked through in a way appropriate for the situation (which differs each time). 

Respectful disagreement, when people are able to remain committed to upholding the decision after having their concerns heard, is not a sign of a breakdown of a collaborative culture. Sometimes those voiced disagreements are just people eager to be part of the collaboration - even if it wasn't their rodeo this time - that need a place to go with their thoughts. Maybe it is a sign that collaboration is expected, desired, and missed .... Which is actually an awesome sign .... you just have to get through the uncomfortableness of deciding what the explanation is going to be to the ones who weren't part of the collaboration that go round, first.