Insecurities

Soooo, we started flexing right after Thanksgiving break ... so I've had my new classes of kids about 7 weeks or so. And most of the time I feel really great about what I / we are doing in there. I think we're making progress. I think we're really learning. I know we're making a difference.

                    And then, today, I gave a unit test. A big test. An intimidating test.

During the test, I thought they were doing really well! Angie (Mrs. P - our sped teacher) pulled a group to the table. I circulated to answer questions. They worked hard! They did great.

                                             And then I graded the tests. 

                                                       Whoa buddy. 

These kids are in our class (Mrs. P and I are co-teaching) because they are low. I get that. We work with them every day. We modify activities. We skill and drill. We do hands on. We do groups. We do higher level. Well, we do "higher level". I know these kids are low. But when you work with them so much and understand their way of thinking and modify ... sometimes you forget  HOW low.

And then you give them a test. A test that all of 4th grade is taking, not just them. You have to ignore the fact that they have different strengths. You take away the hands on. You throw a 4th grade reading level passage at them even though they read at a 2nd or 3rd grade level. And you just, simply, test them. And they don't do so well.

I kinda freaked out. It made me doubt everything I had done with these kids for 7 weeks. Maybe I wasn't doing enough. Maybe we haven't made as much progress as I thought.

I texted my wonderful teacher buddy who has our "low" math group. She reassured me that, well, these kids are low. And this is a "true standardized test". And a c average is, well, expected from the group. And I am not awful.

I went from being totally panicked to being somewhat panicked and somewhat angry. I HATE that I have to test my kids. I hate that their grade will reflect a standard mold that they do not fit in. They simply don't fit that mold. But look at their research projects we worked so hard on. Look at the dioramas they are so proud of. Listen to them tell you about the book we just read together that the LOVED (Shiloh). Let them draw you a picture. Play a game with them. Let them tell you a story.

They are so far above average in many ways. Just simply not on the test I gave them today. I get that. I expected that ... and it is still super frustrating to see it reflected in test scores.

     Turns out I don't like *giving* tests any more than I ever liked *taking* tests. Go figure.