The Unknown Struggles

I paint my nails every other day or so. 

Literally.

I'm not saying that because I'm terribly proud of it... It's actually sort of ridiculous. I can't even really claim to enjoy it. I'm not great at it, and I don't like sitting still long enough for them to dry, So they often have smudges and imperfections.

I don't necessarily even paint them because I want them to look pretty. I definitely don't do it because I expect you to look at my hands and be in love with how great my nails look.

I paint my nails every other day because I'm a habitual nail biter in recovery. For the first time in my life that I can remember I have meals to the ends of my fingers. They are mostly healthy. They are less prone to breakage than they were.

But, when the paint chips or the imperfections become too much, I start picking at them. And picking at them quickly turns to chewing on them ...  which takes me from being "in recovery" to "I'm a nail biter". 

I paint my nails every other day because nail biting was a bad habit, and I'm trying to make nail care a better habbit. 

But you wouldn't know how hard I'm working on that if you just saw me. You wouldn't even know it if I just told you I paint my nails every other day or so. 

I'm not the only one working on a problem that not everyone knows about. I'm not the only one who's doing something that may seem silly to others because it's helping me any real way.

Working on ourselves is a lifelong process. Sometimes one that goes in loops. Sometimes when those frustrating and tedious and tiring.

It's something we're all doing all the time. We don't always know about each others struggles. But we can always be understanding, even if the struggles we don't see and know about. 

Don't feel silly when you are working on you.