Start With Love

Sometimes toddlers become overwhelmed with life and choices and circumstances and throw tantrums.

Sometimes kids get wild and roudy and end up hurting themselves. 

Sometimes teenagers make bad and wrong decisions that end with their feelings getting hurt and opportunities getting missed. 

Sometimes adults - family members, spouces, friends, employees, coworkers - mess up big, and it affects their world. 

And sometimes, from where you stand, you can see the mess up. You can pinpoint the moment, the choice, the action that led to the heartache. You can talk through all of the "If only..."s And "you should have..."s. And sometimes, maybe even most of the time, you're exactly right. 

But yelling never fixes a toddlers tantrum, harsh words don't make a teens listen better, "I told you so" makes very few friends, and more and more I'm reminded of this:

Don't. Do. It. 

They won't hear it anyway. 

Oh sure, they might *need* to hear it. There really are things people need to be told ... And you might be the one that needs to do the telling. 

But tread carefully. 

If you lecture first, the ears close. The frustration accumulates. The anger and tears boil over. The hug never comes because doors are slammed and bridges burned. 

But if you start with the hug? If you start by reaffirming that you are here for them - that no matter what or where the melistake lies, the fact that they are hurting is important to you - that you've got their back. Well then, the thing that you might have to say or the things you may need to point out, can be heard a little easier and digested a bit smoother. 

If you start with the hug, there will be time for words later. But if you jump in with harsh words ... You might not make it to the hug. 

We're not here to point out everything each other has done wrong. We're here to help each other find our way the best way we can. And that way starts with love, and a lot of times, a hug.