Treading Water

     I seriously think I am getting *worse* at separating from school as the year goes on. How is that  POSSIBLE?! This was supposed to get BETTER not WORSE. eeeek! I hate feeling like I cannot turn my brain off -- like there is always something I need to be doing. I have like little baby panic attacks all the time ... and I need to get. over. it. end of story.

      My class is actually going really well! I feel like I am as successful as any first year teacher ... my class seems to be getting the things I teach them, there scores on every test we've taken is okay, their behavior is in check (well, most of the time...), but I constantly feel like there is something I'm not doing, or something I'm not doing well enough.

      Like I'm not so much swimming as I am barely treading water. 

     On the bright side, I'll take barely treading water over drowning any day.

     It's not like the rest of my life is suffering - I hang out with friends, I spend time with my hubby, my house is *mostly* clean, my laundry as caught up as it ever gets ... but this feeling of uneasiness  or not quite being good enough is just always there in the back of my mind. And I genuinely LOVE my job. I love my kids. I love my coworkers. I love teaching. I just need to find a way to chill out a bit. Or a lot a bit.

     The frustrating thing is, I don't know what to *DO*. I am a "doer". I like to do things. See a problem? Fix it. Think of something that would be good? Get it done. But right now, I feel like I'm doing everything I should be / can be. So there is nothing more for me to do. Except there probably is, I just can't think of it right now. argh!

     So, that means more prayers for peace of mind, for inspiration, for better sleep, and for help remembering I am a first year teacher and that's okay and I'll get better and things will get easier. And until then? A hot bath to help me relax and an early bedtime so I can be at school *early* to figure out what else I need to do.... =)

     Hopefully (although quite possibly *doubtfully*) your life is going a little slower than mine and is a little more stress free ... but even if your life is as crazy as mine right now, I hope you are loving it as much as I am! No matter how stressed I am, I do love my job, and I have a job to love, and I have great people in my life to share it all with - so I am one blessed girl!