In My Own Head

The transition back to school is always exhausting. By 4:00 pm the first day my legs ached and I couldn't get to bed fasts enough that night. Thankfully our bodies are made for adjustments and I fairly quickly pass through the physical exhaustion stage of the back to school adjustment. 

But the mental adjustment? It's. The. Worst. 

Sometimes referred to as "the mental work load", all the thoughts swirling in my head have the potential to drive me ... Well, out of my mind. 

There are suddenly (I mean, I knew it was coming ... But still...) 18 billion things I need to remember. Just today I was finishing up lesson plans. Lesson planning always comes with mental notes of how I can modify things for students who will struggle ... And trying to anticipate what the struggles could be for students I barely know at this point in the year. Since these lesson plans are for week 4 (to keep up with our "plan 2 weeks ahead" rule) I also needed to review (and hold in my head) lesson plans for this coming week (week 2). During this review I realized Id neglected to read something I need to for tomorrow night's meeting, so I printed it (because I'm tired of my computer screen). 

While it's printing I started a load of laundry so everyone would have clean clothes ... And since now Raina would have the pair of shorts she wanted to wear, I was able to lay out the girls clothes for the week. Meanwhile, Lydia informed me she would really not like to eat the school lunch tomorrow, so I stopped to pack lunches. That, of course, led to grocery store list additions because I always worry about not having enough to put in her lunch (that she'll eat). AND wondering if I have enough snacks/drinks in my classroom for Lydia's breakfasts and after school snacks.

Somewhere along the way I washed a few dishes, cleared the dining room table, fed our animals, and stopped to redirect and play with the girls a few times. The girls are restless and tired which leads to guilt driven feelings of "I'm working to much - need to stop to interact". 

Today, plans also needed finalized on who/how Lydia is heading out with tomorrow after school since I have a meeting and we had a search party for Raina's doll. I'm still deciding if I need help getting Raina picked up on time another day this week when I have a hair appointment (that I'll hopefully remeber to go to).

There's also thoughts of: Is the Church bag ready with the girls notebooks inside? Did I need to replinish their stickers? Is my Bible class lesson ready for Wednesday night? Did I need to pick up new glue sticks for that? Do I need to put something else quiet in since the girls will be extra tired?

I do not at all mind the actual "doing" of all (or any?) of the things. It is the REMEMBERING. The remembering to have it all together for myself so that I can focus and function and show up prepared to things. It is the remembering to have everything for the girls so they can focus and function happily. Thank goodness Rob does most of his own remembering, but even so, part of my brain is trying to remeber what he has coming up so that I can anticipate his needs or at least remeber to ask him about it later in our attempts at adult conversation. 

None of it's necessarily bad. Furthermore, it DOES settle, at least somewhat,  (let's say, the 2nd month of school?). But people, it's exhausting. 

When a teacher (or any other working anyone 🤷🏼‍♀️) says their tired (especially if that teacher is also a mom) it's not from physically working. Teaching is fun! It's from all the remembering and analyzing and anticipating. It's from all the thought and all the worries.

I'm not even complaining ... More like, acknowledgeing. It's real. We feel it. I feel it. Be aware of it - especially the fact that other people you love are probably dealing with it. 

It's the mental workload. And it's exhausting.